11-04-2020, 11:45 PM
"Bump In The Night: The Finale"
Chick and Boss in the woods. At night. Hot damn.
HNOC: *walking carefully through the thick wooded area*
Boss: "Watch out for snakes."
HNOC: "Oh you son of a BITCH! Why didn't you tell me that BEFORE??"
Boss: "I just thought of it!"
HNOC: "Fuck this! I'm going to the car. You have one hour!"
Boss: "Awww come on! People don't usually die from the first bite!!"
HNOC: "Well I don't plan on getting bit AT ALL!!!"
Boss: "Look, I'll go out front, that way if there are any, they'll get me and you can run!"
HNOC: "Wow, that's almost admirable. Boss, you surprize me sometimes!"
Boss: "Yeah, yeah, probably just the Mad Dog talkin..."
HNOC: "Oooooh, right, you're drunk, not chivalrous..."
They continue walking, Boss has a freak out! lol
Boss: "Ooh my GOD, SNAKE!!!!!"
HNOC: *comes out of her skin, screams and runs several feet away*
Boss: "Wait! *looks closer* "False alarm, just a piece of rubber hose!"
HNOC: *walks back up to him* "Idiot!"
Boss: "Hey, it's dark!"
HNOC: "So where are we lying in wait, as you call it??"
Boss: *looks for a clearing... found it*
Boss: "Over here!"
They walk into a nice clearing where they can set up for the night.
HNOC: "I still can't believe you brought that thing! *points to VHS camcorder*
Boss: "Hey, this thing isn't dependent upon cell tower signals, missy!!"
HNOC: "That's actually a good point. Touche, senor Douchebag!"
Boss: "Can you just with the names??"
HNOC: "Sorry, you're right. And it was a smart move. Kudos."
They dig in hoping their dreams will come true! Well, Boss's dreams. This is a nightmare for poor Chick.
HNOC: *hears rustling in the brush behind them* "Oh shit! What's that??"
Boss: "What? I don't hear anything!"
HNOC: "Oh my God, do you have earbuds in???"
Boss: "The game is on! Been waitin' all week!"
HNOC: "Well get them out! I'm not playing Lord of the Flies out here by myself!!"
Boss: "Jeez, you're as bad as my mom!"
HNOC: "Oh, God..."
Boss: "What?"
HNOC: "I forgot you had one of those... that poor woman..."
The rustling gets louder, and closer!!
Boss: "OK, I heard that! Operation Squatch-watch GO, GO, GOOO!!!"
Chick runs forth with her phone recording, Boss might have that old camcorder going
and they head right into the eye of the storm!!
Terrible grunting sounds can be heard. The two whisper to keep their cover.
Boss: "OK, on three, we jump him!"
HNOC: "We what???"
Boss: "Jump him! Jump on him!! There's two of us!"
HNOC: "DUMBASS, it's a BIGFOOT!! They're like nine feet tall?!?!"
Boss: "Well, you aim for his balls and I'll go for his rib cage! Deal??"
HNOC: "You're out of your mind!!"
Boss: "We got this!!"
HNOC: "No, fuck you!!"
More terrible grunting, it's close, closer than before, oh no, it's right up on them!!
Boss: "Geronimoooooo!!!!" *jumps out onto the mighty beast*
HNOC: *screams and follows suit*
Boss and Chick wrestle around with the mystery creature, until it speaks! : o
Bigfoot: "Aaarrggghh, you kicked me in my nuts!! You crazy bitch!!"
HNOC: "Oh my God, do Bigfoot's speak English???"
Boss: "I don't know, just keep kicking!!"
Bigfoot: "Stop!! *grabbing his privates* "NOOOO, don't!!"
The "Bigfoot" is down. Chick stops recording and turns on her flash-light to see what
they've caught. Charges, most likely...
HNOC: "Ooooh my Gaaawwd!!! It's a homeless man!!"
Homeless Man: *moaning in pain*
Boss: "Quick, we'll dump the body over behind those..."
HNOC: "Dump, what, HE'S NOT DEAD!!!!"
Boss: "Not yet!! But..."
HNOC: "NOO, just stop right THERE! We're not killing anybody! You fucking loon!!"
Boss: "Well what are we supossed to do now? He's seen us??"
HNOC: "Moron! This isn't an episode of the fucking Sopranos! You don't just kill innocent people!!"
Boss: "Well what're we gonna do, genius??"
Chick looks down at Boss's pocket, then back up to him, and back to the pocket...
Boss: "Are you looking at my junk? Daaamn girl, you IZ freaky! I likes it!!"
HNOC: "NOOOO you fucktard!! The money!! The bribe money!!"
Boss: "Ooooooh, okaaay. Yeah... cool..." *pulls $20 out*
Boss: "Hey uh, sorry man, this was a huge misunderstanding. We're really sorry. Can we just kinda
forget this ever happened??" *holds hand out with the bill unfolded*
Homeless Man: "Muthafucka, you thank I'ma let this bitch scramble my eggs fuh $20??"
Boss: "How do you feel about shopping carts??"
HNOC: *looks crazed*
Boss: "RUUUNNNN!!!"
Boss and Chick run away from the seen of an aggravated assault. All in a night's work.
THE END
Chick and Boss in the woods. At night. Hot damn.
HNOC: *walking carefully through the thick wooded area*
Boss: "Watch out for snakes."
HNOC: "Oh you son of a BITCH! Why didn't you tell me that BEFORE??"
Boss: "I just thought of it!"
HNOC: "Fuck this! I'm going to the car. You have one hour!"
Boss: "Awww come on! People don't usually die from the first bite!!"
HNOC: "Well I don't plan on getting bit AT ALL!!!"
Boss: "Look, I'll go out front, that way if there are any, they'll get me and you can run!"
HNOC: "Wow, that's almost admirable. Boss, you surprize me sometimes!"
Boss: "Yeah, yeah, probably just the Mad Dog talkin..."
HNOC: "Oooooh, right, you're drunk, not chivalrous..."
They continue walking, Boss has a freak out! lol
Boss: "Ooh my GOD, SNAKE!!!!!"
HNOC: *comes out of her skin, screams and runs several feet away*
Boss: "Wait! *looks closer* "False alarm, just a piece of rubber hose!"
HNOC: *walks back up to him* "Idiot!"
Boss: "Hey, it's dark!"
HNOC: "So where are we lying in wait, as you call it??"
Boss: *looks for a clearing... found it*
Boss: "Over here!"
They walk into a nice clearing where they can set up for the night.
HNOC: "I still can't believe you brought that thing! *points to VHS camcorder*
Boss: "Hey, this thing isn't dependent upon cell tower signals, missy!!"
HNOC: "That's actually a good point. Touche, senor Douchebag!"
Boss: "Can you just with the names??"
HNOC: "Sorry, you're right. And it was a smart move. Kudos."
They dig in hoping their dreams will come true! Well, Boss's dreams. This is a nightmare for poor Chick.
HNOC: *hears rustling in the brush behind them* "Oh shit! What's that??"
Boss: "What? I don't hear anything!"
HNOC: "Oh my God, do you have earbuds in???"
Boss: "The game is on! Been waitin' all week!"
HNOC: "Well get them out! I'm not playing Lord of the Flies out here by myself!!"
Boss: "Jeez, you're as bad as my mom!"
HNOC: "Oh, God..."
Boss: "What?"
HNOC: "I forgot you had one of those... that poor woman..."
The rustling gets louder, and closer!!
Boss: "OK, I heard that! Operation Squatch-watch GO, GO, GOOO!!!"
Chick runs forth with her phone recording, Boss might have that old camcorder going
and they head right into the eye of the storm!!
Terrible grunting sounds can be heard. The two whisper to keep their cover.
Boss: "OK, on three, we jump him!"
HNOC: "We what???"
Boss: "Jump him! Jump on him!! There's two of us!"
HNOC: "DUMBASS, it's a BIGFOOT!! They're like nine feet tall?!?!"
Boss: "Well, you aim for his balls and I'll go for his rib cage! Deal??"
HNOC: "You're out of your mind!!"
Boss: "We got this!!"
HNOC: "No, fuck you!!"
More terrible grunting, it's close, closer than before, oh no, it's right up on them!!
Boss: "Geronimoooooo!!!!" *jumps out onto the mighty beast*
HNOC: *screams and follows suit*
Boss and Chick wrestle around with the mystery creature, until it speaks! : o
Bigfoot: "Aaarrggghh, you kicked me in my nuts!! You crazy bitch!!"
HNOC: "Oh my God, do Bigfoot's speak English???"
Boss: "I don't know, just keep kicking!!"
Bigfoot: "Stop!! *grabbing his privates* "NOOOO, don't!!"
The "Bigfoot" is down. Chick stops recording and turns on her flash-light to see what
they've caught. Charges, most likely...
HNOC: "Ooooh my Gaaawwd!!! It's a homeless man!!"
Homeless Man: *moaning in pain*
Boss: "Quick, we'll dump the body over behind those..."
HNOC: "Dump, what, HE'S NOT DEAD!!!!"
Boss: "Not yet!! But..."
HNOC: "NOO, just stop right THERE! We're not killing anybody! You fucking loon!!"
Boss: "Well what are we supossed to do now? He's seen us??"
HNOC: "Moron! This isn't an episode of the fucking Sopranos! You don't just kill innocent people!!"
Boss: "Well what're we gonna do, genius??"
Chick looks down at Boss's pocket, then back up to him, and back to the pocket...
Boss: "Are you looking at my junk? Daaamn girl, you IZ freaky! I likes it!!"
HNOC: "NOOOO you fucktard!! The money!! The bribe money!!"
Boss: "Ooooooh, okaaay. Yeah... cool..." *pulls $20 out*
Boss: "Hey uh, sorry man, this was a huge misunderstanding. We're really sorry. Can we just kinda
forget this ever happened??" *holds hand out with the bill unfolded*
Homeless Man: "Muthafucka, you thank I'ma let this bitch scramble my eggs fuh $20??"
Boss: "How do you feel about shopping carts??"
HNOC: *looks crazed*
Boss: "RUUUNNNN!!!"
Boss and Chick run away from the seen of an aggravated assault. All in a night's work.
THE END
