11-05-2020, 05:09 PM
"The Good Boss"
Chick has just broken up with her boyfriend. She needs an ear. Poor Chick...
HNOC: *races into Boss's office, shuts door*
Boss: "Hey, what's up!"
HNOC: *bursts into tears*
Boss: "Ooooooh man..."
HNOC: *garbled words through sobs*
Boss: "You finally finished Breaking Bad?
HNOC: *sobs louder*
Boss: "It's cool, Jesse totally wins in El Camino!"
HNOC: *barely legible* "We broke uuuuuppp!!" *more hard sobbing*
Boss: "Ooooooooh, it's one of theeese..."
HNOC: "I don't knooooow, what I, uurrgghh... *more sobs*
Boss: "OK, I think I know how to help.."
HNOC: *looks up, wipes tears away*
Boss: "You still have this prick's number?"
HNOC: *shakes head Yes*
Boss: "OK, you call this limp-dick cocksucker up and say... uh, what's his name?"
HNOC: "Brad..."
Boss: "OK, you say, Brad.. wait, Brad? Really?"
HNOC: "Yeeaah, what's wrong with that?"
Boss: "Dude, that should've been your first clue!"
HNOC: *quizzed look*
Boss: "Brad's are famous for being total cunts. I mean, it's hard science. For realzies!"
HNOC: *starts crying again*
Boss: "Noooooo, wait, what you do is... You call him up, say "Brad, you limp-wristed panty-wearing
sack-licker, FUCK YOU, you were always garbage and the only reason I ever went out with you is
because I ran out of D-cell batteries!! Choke on your mother's..."
HNOC: "I'm not saying that!!"
Boss: "Chick, seriously, you need to put this ball-washer in his place!"
HNOC: "But he was nice at first, aarrggh!!" *more crying*
Boss: "They all are! Cuz they want that sweet little pink knot you're hiding."
HNOC: *raises head, wipes tears away again*
Boss: "And once they get it, varoooom, off to their next bedpost notch."
HNOC: "You think he used me?"
Boss: "Oh, without question!"
HNOC: "Am I just an easy mark?"
Boss: "No, Chick. You're a beautiful young lady with a good heart. And sometimes jerks see that
and take advantage. They want something to make themselves feel better about being the waste of skin
that they truly are. Parasites..."
HNOC: *feeling better* "Thank you, Boss. That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me!"
Boss: "No sweat kiddo, all part of the job! Hey, why don't you take the day, heck, tomorrow too!"
HNOC: "Really?"
Boss: "Sure! Two days paid leave! Take THAT, Brad!!"
HNOC: "Awww, that's so kind, thank you!!" *walks around desk to hug Boss*
Boss: "Quick question..."
HNOC: "Okay..."
Boss: "Did ol' saggy-nuts ever see you in this sweater?"
HNOC: "Uuuh, I don't think so? Why?"
Boss: *licking his lips* "It's just nice, is all... real nice... and tight... in ALL the right places!"
HNOC: "Ooooh God!! Why?? Why can't you just be decent for five seconds without slipping
back into swine-mode??"
Boss: "Hey, just sayin... If homo-Brad were to have seen those sweet front bumps pushing
their way through this sweater, maybe..."
HNOC: "Urrggh! You just can't help yourself, can you!!!"
Boss: "Depends, you gonna run to HR again??"
HNOC: "Gaaawwd, WHY? Why do I ever bother!!" *storms towards door*
Boss: "Hey!"
HNOC: *turns to look*
Boss: "I still meant everything I said. You're Great! And nobody can take that from You!!"
HNOC: *thinks a moment* "Thanks. I guess in your own weird way, you do try to help."
Boss: "Now, get out of here you! I've got some deposits to make into the ol' spank-bank account!"
HNOC: *rolls eyes, walks out and shuts door*
Boss: *leans back in chair, puts feet up on desk*
: )
Chick has just broken up with her boyfriend. She needs an ear. Poor Chick...
HNOC: *races into Boss's office, shuts door*
Boss: "Hey, what's up!"
HNOC: *bursts into tears*
Boss: "Ooooooh man..."
HNOC: *garbled words through sobs*
Boss: "You finally finished Breaking Bad?
HNOC: *sobs louder*
Boss: "It's cool, Jesse totally wins in El Camino!"
HNOC: *barely legible* "We broke uuuuuppp!!" *more hard sobbing*
Boss: "Ooooooooh, it's one of theeese..."
HNOC: "I don't knooooow, what I, uurrgghh... *more sobs*
Boss: "OK, I think I know how to help.."
HNOC: *looks up, wipes tears away*
Boss: "You still have this prick's number?"
HNOC: *shakes head Yes*
Boss: "OK, you call this limp-dick cocksucker up and say... uh, what's his name?"
HNOC: "Brad..."
Boss: "OK, you say, Brad.. wait, Brad? Really?"
HNOC: "Yeeaah, what's wrong with that?"
Boss: "Dude, that should've been your first clue!"
HNOC: *quizzed look*
Boss: "Brad's are famous for being total cunts. I mean, it's hard science. For realzies!"
HNOC: *starts crying again*
Boss: "Noooooo, wait, what you do is... You call him up, say "Brad, you limp-wristed panty-wearing
sack-licker, FUCK YOU, you were always garbage and the only reason I ever went out with you is
because I ran out of D-cell batteries!! Choke on your mother's..."
HNOC: "I'm not saying that!!"
Boss: "Chick, seriously, you need to put this ball-washer in his place!"
HNOC: "But he was nice at first, aarrggh!!" *more crying*
Boss: "They all are! Cuz they want that sweet little pink knot you're hiding."
HNOC: *raises head, wipes tears away again*
Boss: "And once they get it, varoooom, off to their next bedpost notch."
HNOC: "You think he used me?"
Boss: "Oh, without question!"
HNOC: "Am I just an easy mark?"
Boss: "No, Chick. You're a beautiful young lady with a good heart. And sometimes jerks see that
and take advantage. They want something to make themselves feel better about being the waste of skin
that they truly are. Parasites..."
HNOC: *feeling better* "Thank you, Boss. That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me!"
Boss: "No sweat kiddo, all part of the job! Hey, why don't you take the day, heck, tomorrow too!"
HNOC: "Really?"
Boss: "Sure! Two days paid leave! Take THAT, Brad!!"
HNOC: "Awww, that's so kind, thank you!!" *walks around desk to hug Boss*
Boss: "Quick question..."
HNOC: "Okay..."
Boss: "Did ol' saggy-nuts ever see you in this sweater?"
HNOC: "Uuuh, I don't think so? Why?"
Boss: *licking his lips* "It's just nice, is all... real nice... and tight... in ALL the right places!"
HNOC: "Ooooh God!! Why?? Why can't you just be decent for five seconds without slipping
back into swine-mode??"
Boss: "Hey, just sayin... If homo-Brad were to have seen those sweet front bumps pushing
their way through this sweater, maybe..."
HNOC: "Urrggh! You just can't help yourself, can you!!!"
Boss: "Depends, you gonna run to HR again??"
HNOC: "Gaaawwd, WHY? Why do I ever bother!!" *storms towards door*
Boss: "Hey!"
HNOC: *turns to look*
Boss: "I still meant everything I said. You're Great! And nobody can take that from You!!"
HNOC: *thinks a moment* "Thanks. I guess in your own weird way, you do try to help."
Boss: "Now, get out of here you! I've got some deposits to make into the ol' spank-bank account!"
HNOC: *rolls eyes, walks out and shuts door*
Boss: *leans back in chair, puts feet up on desk*
: )
