11-23-2020, 06:42 PM
Today we have a special episode of Dr. Rocco's Sex Help Show. It's not about sex.
Surviving The Holidays with Dr. Rocco
*theme music - Alvin & The Chipmunks Jingle Bell Rock*
Hooooo, what d'ya know, what d'ya say! It's Dr. Rocco comin' at ya's wit a special edition
of "How To Survive Da Holidays"... *theme music fades, soft piano music swells*
This time uh year can be stressful for everybody. You got travel, lots of cookin', more than likely
a few family membas you'd like to throw into a wood chippa... *whispers off-camera*
Aaay, who's fuckin' show is dis?? *more whispers* Fuckin' right, now shut ya mouth!
Where was I? Oh yeah, it's not always easy to congregate and be loving when dat one uncle
feels it's OK to take his dentures out at the table. And you can't stab him in the eye with ya
shrimp fork cuz he's only got the one after losing the other in the war.
So to that one special family memba I say "Keep ya fuckin' teeth in ya mouth, Uncle Nuno!!
Nobody needs to see dat!! We're tryin ta eat heeuh!!"
And who could forget ya cousin. Yeah, I'm talkin' about you, Sal. On that fuckin' Atkins
diet and you're driving everybody crazy wid it! Don't think I can't see you out in the driveway
sitting in the back seat of Aunt Beppy's Lincoln towncar! Eatin' all the tripe out of the tripe & tomatoes!
Lickin' ya fingas and goin' back in!! You're a dirty fuck Sal! The WHOLE FUCKIN' TRAY???
And we're not leaving you out Tristina. No, every year my niece comes to the table wit a new boyfriend
and a disgusting necklace of hickies on show for all to see. Maybe it wouldn't look so bad if ya's
didn't have the dark circles unda ya eyes. Fuck you doin? Get some sleep already! You on dope?
You need help? Cuz ya lookin' like dry shit under a heat lamp! Get ahold uh yaself!
Oh, and do I even need to mention... leave politics at the fuckin' door! Nobody cares who you think
can run dis country any betta than a wounded calf on a farm to market road in the middle of Shitsville, USA.
Nobody cares who you voted for, like THAT even works, nobody cares how much money you raised
for whatever campaign, so just forget about all dat and do what everybody else is here to do:
Stuff ya goddamn face with Nona's chicken cacciatore, pound the buca's and cheer on the fuckin'
New York Football Giants! Uddawise, you're just askin' for trouble and the holidays don't need any
uh dat!
So I hope this has been helpful to all you's out dare. Stay safe, stay drunk and keep ya fuckin' mouth shut!
Ooooooooooh!!!
*theme music swells for playout - Chuck Berry's Run, Run Rudolph*
Surviving The Holidays with Dr. Rocco
*theme music - Alvin & The Chipmunks Jingle Bell Rock*
Hooooo, what d'ya know, what d'ya say! It's Dr. Rocco comin' at ya's wit a special edition
of "How To Survive Da Holidays"... *theme music fades, soft piano music swells*
This time uh year can be stressful for everybody. You got travel, lots of cookin', more than likely
a few family membas you'd like to throw into a wood chippa... *whispers off-camera*
Aaay, who's fuckin' show is dis?? *more whispers* Fuckin' right, now shut ya mouth!
Where was I? Oh yeah, it's not always easy to congregate and be loving when dat one uncle
feels it's OK to take his dentures out at the table. And you can't stab him in the eye with ya
shrimp fork cuz he's only got the one after losing the other in the war.
So to that one special family memba I say "Keep ya fuckin' teeth in ya mouth, Uncle Nuno!!
Nobody needs to see dat!! We're tryin ta eat heeuh!!"
And who could forget ya cousin. Yeah, I'm talkin' about you, Sal. On that fuckin' Atkins
diet and you're driving everybody crazy wid it! Don't think I can't see you out in the driveway
sitting in the back seat of Aunt Beppy's Lincoln towncar! Eatin' all the tripe out of the tripe & tomatoes!
Lickin' ya fingas and goin' back in!! You're a dirty fuck Sal! The WHOLE FUCKIN' TRAY???
And we're not leaving you out Tristina. No, every year my niece comes to the table wit a new boyfriend
and a disgusting necklace of hickies on show for all to see. Maybe it wouldn't look so bad if ya's
didn't have the dark circles unda ya eyes. Fuck you doin? Get some sleep already! You on dope?
You need help? Cuz ya lookin' like dry shit under a heat lamp! Get ahold uh yaself!
Oh, and do I even need to mention... leave politics at the fuckin' door! Nobody cares who you think
can run dis country any betta than a wounded calf on a farm to market road in the middle of Shitsville, USA.
Nobody cares who you voted for, like THAT even works, nobody cares how much money you raised
for whatever campaign, so just forget about all dat and do what everybody else is here to do:
Stuff ya goddamn face with Nona's chicken cacciatore, pound the buca's and cheer on the fuckin'
New York Football Giants! Uddawise, you're just askin' for trouble and the holidays don't need any
uh dat!
So I hope this has been helpful to all you's out dare. Stay safe, stay drunk and keep ya fuckin' mouth shut!
Ooooooooooh!!!
*theme music swells for playout - Chuck Berry's Run, Run Rudolph*
