11-26-2020, 07:01 AM
Screamin' out of Newark, New Jersey - The Internet's newest podcast heroes!!
Got It Made wit Rocco!!
*opening music - AC/DC's - Back In Black*
Rocco: Ooooooooooooh!!! What d'ya know, what d'ya say you beautiful cocksuckas??
Listen to those fuckin' guitars, would ya! Tear it up Angus! You absolute fuckin beast!!
Yeah! Where else ya gonna get four minutes and fifteen seconds of bad-assery to rock your fuckin'
face off, as an intro?? ONLY HERE!! Dat's right ya crazy bastids!! Welcome to the show!!
We got a good thing lined up for yous guys tonight, so get ya fuckin' adult beverages and snacks
and tiddy books at the ready cuz this shit is about to blow wide fuckin' open heeuh!!
Our boy on the control panel ova deh, my nephew Anthony running the whole operation like
a fuckin' surgeon! In the Artie seat we got none udda dan my dear friend, Carlo from the News Stand!
And I'm Uncle Rocco here to give you the latest and greatest on EVERYFUCKINTHING!!
So let's do dis!!!
*power cut* The lights go out and Rocco's basement/game room/podcast villa is now in total darkness.
Rocco: "You have got to be fuckin' kidding me..."
Anthony: "We're down Uncle Rocky."
Rocco: "No shit, I can't see my fuckin' hand before me."
Carlo: "You got a flashlight?"
Rocco: "Even if I did, how the fuck would I find it in dis COMPLETE FUCKIN DARKNESS??"
Anthony: "Here Uncle Rock." *turns on cell phone flashlight*
Rocco: "Tanks, Ant'ny. I'm sorry I barked at ya."
Anthony: "S'ok, it happens."
Carlo: "What about me?"
Rocco: "What about you?"
Carlo: "You didn't apologize. You yelled at me too."
Rocco: "Jeezus fuckin' bass boat fisherman, I gotta hold ya hand too?"
Carlo: "No, it's just courteous is all. Manners."
Rocco: "Oh Carlo, please forgive me, I wasn't aware you had panties on today!"
Carlo: "And now ya being nasty."
Rocco: "Come on Carlo! Stop wit all the emotional manipulation! We got problems heeuh!"
Rocco walks to the stairway and carefully climbs up to the kitchen door.
Anthony: "You checkin' the breaka box?"
Rocco: "Naw, I'm gonna see if Sophia Loren has time for a quick handjob?"
Carlo: "There's no need for dat Rock, the kid was just askin..."
Rocco: "Carlo, get ahold uh yaself."
Rocco, now in the kitchen, makes a bee line to the back room to check that breaker.
Carlo: "This is not a good sign."
Anthony: "What d'ya mean?"
Carlo: "The maiden voyage is doomed. Not even one episode in and already we're experiencing technical difficulties."
Anthony: "I'm sure it's nothing. Probably just tripped a switch."
Carlo: "You believe in omens kid?"
Anthony: "I dunno Carlo."
Carlo: "I shoulda stopped by Gino's. Got us all a slice and a Coke."
Anthony: "Their double pepperoni, oofah, don't get me started."
Carlo: "Wit da red pepper flakes? Heaven."
Rocco is still gone, a little longer than he should've been. Is there trouble in Paradise?
Anthony: *yells* "Aay Uncle Rocky!! You alright up dare??"
*silence*
Carlo: "Here, use my phone light, go check on him." *hands Anthony his phone*
Anthony: *takes it and walks upstairs*
Once in the kitchen, Anthony walks back to where Rocco is: Checking the fuse box.
Anthony: "Uncle Rocky?"
Rocco: "Dis fuckin' thing!"
Anthony: "What'sa matta?"
Rocco: "Unless I just became fuckin retarded, there's nothing wrong wit deez fuses!"
Anthony: *looks on* "That's weird. What else could it be?"
Rocco: "I dunno, I'ma go check outside. See if the zombie invasion's hit."
Rocco walks out the back and breezes around front to look up and down the street for anything
that sticks out. And there it is: An NJGE [New Jersey Gas & Electric] truck. He walks down to ask
the relevant questions.
Rocco: "Hey, how you guys doin'?"
Worker: "Aay, how's it goin?"
Rocco: "Not so great. My electricity is out. That what y'all are doin?"
Worker: "Whole street's out. Been workin' on the line, had to do a little diggin."
Rocco: "I see. Well, this an all day thing or what?"
Worker: "Hopefully not."
Rocco: "Well you got an idea when it'll be back on?"
Worker: "Not yet."
Rocco: "Hours?"
Worker: "Could be."
Rocco: "Three, four?"
Worker: "Look, pal, we're doin all we can here. It'll be on when it's on."
Rocco: "Well that's not very helpful."
Worker: "Neither are you!"
Rocco: "Ooooh, fuck you say to me?"
Worker: "We're tryin' to work here, why don't you go back into your - "
Rocco: "Don't fuckin tell me what to do, ya prick! I pay your fucking salary!"
Worker: "Uh, no ya don't! I'm not a cop, douchebag!"
Rocco: "You fuckin' cocksucka! I got ya douchebag right heeuh, and it looks like ya mudda!"
Rocco with his amazing people skills manages to get into a scuffle with a utility worker. Anthony is just
now making his way up the street to find his uncle rolling on the ground with the city employee.
Anthony: "Jeezus Christ Uncle Rocky!! Stop! What're ya doin?"
They roll and swat at each other as Anthony reaches down to try and separate them.
Rocco: "I'll kill dis fuckin' prick!"
Anthony: "Uncle Rock, calm down, Jeezus!!"
The two men stand up and try to compose themselves.
Worker: "Your uncle is a fuckin whackjob kid! I'm callin' the police!"
Rocco: "Fuck you, ya pussy! Talk shit and then go cryin' to the fuckin law!"
Anthony: "Will you just stop it already? You're gonna get arrested!"
Rocco: "Fuck that and fuck him! I gotta right to defend myself!"
Worker: *walking away* "You attacked me, prick!"
Rocco: "Go fuck ya sista you cunt!"
Anthony: "STOP IT! Just stop it. I'm gonna go try to talk to him. Maybe he won't call the cops."
Rocco: "He can fuck a cop too! Sorry bagga bitchiz!"
Anthony follows the worker to his truck in hopes of smoothing things over. He loved his uncle but
man oh man, was he ever a handful. Rocco turns around and is startled. Out of nowhere, Carlo appears.
Rocco: "Jeezus Fuckin' Christ Carlo! What are you a fuckin' ninja??"
Carlo: "Why you always gotta lead wit anger?"
Rocco: "The fuck are you talkin' about?"
Carlo: "See? You're angry. And you're angry most of the time. That's not good for you."
Rocco: "So, my Artie just became my Oprah. Oh happy fuckin' day!"
Carlo: "You should really look into anger management. They got classes at - "
Rocco: "Anger management? Go check ya blood sugar! You're delirious!"
Carlo: "How long ya gonna live like this, Rock? It's eatin' ya up inside."
Rocco: "I'm not havin' this conversation witchu." *turns away*
Anthony is now walking towards them.
Anthony: "OK, I talked him outta callin' the cops, but You gotta go back inside and stay there!"
Rocco: "No fuckin' way dat prick is puttin' me under house arrest! This is America!!"
Anthony: "Well you could be put under real arrest, he decides to call the cops again."
Rocco: *thinks* "Fuck it, I got betta things to do..."
They slowly walk back up the street.
Carlo: "How 'bout we go to Gino's, get a slice?"
Anthony: "Yeah, that sounds good. What d'ya say Uncle Rock?"
Rocco: "This was supposed to be our first ever episode of the new podcast today."
Anthony: "There's still time! It's only 3:47pm! We got all day!"
Carlo: "Yeah, we go do our thing, come back and the juice'll probably be back on!"
They now stand in front of Rocco's house. Gino's did make a good fuckin' slice of double pepp.
Rocco: "You drivin'?"
Carlo: "Sure thing! Let's go!"
They all pile into Gino's car and head off to enjoy what's left of their afternoon.
- TO BE CONTINUED - ???
Got It Made wit Rocco!!
*opening music - AC/DC's - Back In Black*
Rocco: Ooooooooooooh!!! What d'ya know, what d'ya say you beautiful cocksuckas??
Listen to those fuckin' guitars, would ya! Tear it up Angus! You absolute fuckin beast!!
Yeah! Where else ya gonna get four minutes and fifteen seconds of bad-assery to rock your fuckin'
face off, as an intro?? ONLY HERE!! Dat's right ya crazy bastids!! Welcome to the show!!
We got a good thing lined up for yous guys tonight, so get ya fuckin' adult beverages and snacks
and tiddy books at the ready cuz this shit is about to blow wide fuckin' open heeuh!!
Our boy on the control panel ova deh, my nephew Anthony running the whole operation like
a fuckin' surgeon! In the Artie seat we got none udda dan my dear friend, Carlo from the News Stand!
And I'm Uncle Rocco here to give you the latest and greatest on EVERYFUCKINTHING!!
So let's do dis!!!
*power cut* The lights go out and Rocco's basement/game room/podcast villa is now in total darkness.
Rocco: "You have got to be fuckin' kidding me..."
Anthony: "We're down Uncle Rocky."
Rocco: "No shit, I can't see my fuckin' hand before me."
Carlo: "You got a flashlight?"
Rocco: "Even if I did, how the fuck would I find it in dis COMPLETE FUCKIN DARKNESS??"
Anthony: "Here Uncle Rock." *turns on cell phone flashlight*
Rocco: "Tanks, Ant'ny. I'm sorry I barked at ya."
Anthony: "S'ok, it happens."
Carlo: "What about me?"
Rocco: "What about you?"
Carlo: "You didn't apologize. You yelled at me too."
Rocco: "Jeezus fuckin' bass boat fisherman, I gotta hold ya hand too?"
Carlo: "No, it's just courteous is all. Manners."
Rocco: "Oh Carlo, please forgive me, I wasn't aware you had panties on today!"
Carlo: "And now ya being nasty."
Rocco: "Come on Carlo! Stop wit all the emotional manipulation! We got problems heeuh!"
Rocco walks to the stairway and carefully climbs up to the kitchen door.
Anthony: "You checkin' the breaka box?"
Rocco: "Naw, I'm gonna see if Sophia Loren has time for a quick handjob?"
Carlo: "There's no need for dat Rock, the kid was just askin..."
Rocco: "Carlo, get ahold uh yaself."
Rocco, now in the kitchen, makes a bee line to the back room to check that breaker.
Carlo: "This is not a good sign."
Anthony: "What d'ya mean?"
Carlo: "The maiden voyage is doomed. Not even one episode in and already we're experiencing technical difficulties."
Anthony: "I'm sure it's nothing. Probably just tripped a switch."
Carlo: "You believe in omens kid?"
Anthony: "I dunno Carlo."
Carlo: "I shoulda stopped by Gino's. Got us all a slice and a Coke."
Anthony: "Their double pepperoni, oofah, don't get me started."
Carlo: "Wit da red pepper flakes? Heaven."
Rocco is still gone, a little longer than he should've been. Is there trouble in Paradise?
Anthony: *yells* "Aay Uncle Rocky!! You alright up dare??"
*silence*
Carlo: "Here, use my phone light, go check on him." *hands Anthony his phone*
Anthony: *takes it and walks upstairs*
Once in the kitchen, Anthony walks back to where Rocco is: Checking the fuse box.
Anthony: "Uncle Rocky?"
Rocco: "Dis fuckin' thing!"
Anthony: "What'sa matta?"
Rocco: "Unless I just became fuckin retarded, there's nothing wrong wit deez fuses!"
Anthony: *looks on* "That's weird. What else could it be?"
Rocco: "I dunno, I'ma go check outside. See if the zombie invasion's hit."
Rocco walks out the back and breezes around front to look up and down the street for anything
that sticks out. And there it is: An NJGE [New Jersey Gas & Electric] truck. He walks down to ask
the relevant questions.
Rocco: "Hey, how you guys doin'?"
Worker: "Aay, how's it goin?"
Rocco: "Not so great. My electricity is out. That what y'all are doin?"
Worker: "Whole street's out. Been workin' on the line, had to do a little diggin."
Rocco: "I see. Well, this an all day thing or what?"
Worker: "Hopefully not."
Rocco: "Well you got an idea when it'll be back on?"
Worker: "Not yet."
Rocco: "Hours?"
Worker: "Could be."
Rocco: "Three, four?"
Worker: "Look, pal, we're doin all we can here. It'll be on when it's on."
Rocco: "Well that's not very helpful."
Worker: "Neither are you!"
Rocco: "Ooooh, fuck you say to me?"
Worker: "We're tryin' to work here, why don't you go back into your - "
Rocco: "Don't fuckin tell me what to do, ya prick! I pay your fucking salary!"
Worker: "Uh, no ya don't! I'm not a cop, douchebag!"
Rocco: "You fuckin' cocksucka! I got ya douchebag right heeuh, and it looks like ya mudda!"
Rocco with his amazing people skills manages to get into a scuffle with a utility worker. Anthony is just
now making his way up the street to find his uncle rolling on the ground with the city employee.
Anthony: "Jeezus Christ Uncle Rocky!! Stop! What're ya doin?"
They roll and swat at each other as Anthony reaches down to try and separate them.
Rocco: "I'll kill dis fuckin' prick!"
Anthony: "Uncle Rock, calm down, Jeezus!!"
The two men stand up and try to compose themselves.
Worker: "Your uncle is a fuckin whackjob kid! I'm callin' the police!"
Rocco: "Fuck you, ya pussy! Talk shit and then go cryin' to the fuckin law!"
Anthony: "Will you just stop it already? You're gonna get arrested!"
Rocco: "Fuck that and fuck him! I gotta right to defend myself!"
Worker: *walking away* "You attacked me, prick!"
Rocco: "Go fuck ya sista you cunt!"
Anthony: "STOP IT! Just stop it. I'm gonna go try to talk to him. Maybe he won't call the cops."
Rocco: "He can fuck a cop too! Sorry bagga bitchiz!"
Anthony follows the worker to his truck in hopes of smoothing things over. He loved his uncle but
man oh man, was he ever a handful. Rocco turns around and is startled. Out of nowhere, Carlo appears.
Rocco: "Jeezus Fuckin' Christ Carlo! What are you a fuckin' ninja??"
Carlo: "Why you always gotta lead wit anger?"
Rocco: "The fuck are you talkin' about?"
Carlo: "See? You're angry. And you're angry most of the time. That's not good for you."
Rocco: "So, my Artie just became my Oprah. Oh happy fuckin' day!"
Carlo: "You should really look into anger management. They got classes at - "
Rocco: "Anger management? Go check ya blood sugar! You're delirious!"
Carlo: "How long ya gonna live like this, Rock? It's eatin' ya up inside."
Rocco: "I'm not havin' this conversation witchu." *turns away*
Anthony is now walking towards them.
Anthony: "OK, I talked him outta callin' the cops, but You gotta go back inside and stay there!"
Rocco: "No fuckin' way dat prick is puttin' me under house arrest! This is America!!"
Anthony: "Well you could be put under real arrest, he decides to call the cops again."
Rocco: *thinks* "Fuck it, I got betta things to do..."
They slowly walk back up the street.
Carlo: "How 'bout we go to Gino's, get a slice?"
Anthony: "Yeah, that sounds good. What d'ya say Uncle Rock?"
Rocco: "This was supposed to be our first ever episode of the new podcast today."
Anthony: "There's still time! It's only 3:47pm! We got all day!"
Carlo: "Yeah, we go do our thing, come back and the juice'll probably be back on!"
They now stand in front of Rocco's house. Gino's did make a good fuckin' slice of double pepp.
Rocco: "You drivin'?"
Carlo: "Sure thing! Let's go!"
They all pile into Gino's car and head off to enjoy what's left of their afternoon.
- TO BE CONTINUED - ???
