Scenes, skits and silly musings

[somethingelseishere]

Carlo decides to take a two-prong approach to his new health & fitness goals.
He also has a frank and honest conversation with a discarnate voice. M-A-D-O-N!!! lol

Carlo: *last few minutes on his exercise bike*
Discarnate Voice: "Jeeeeeezus, get the fuck off me!!"
Carlo: *looks around, keeps pedaling*
DV: "You deaf? Get off me ya fat fuck!"
Carlo: *stops bike* "Hello?"
DV: "Yeah, finally!"
Carlo: "Who's dat?"
DV: "It's me, down here!"
Carlo: "Who? Down where?"
DV: "ME! Ya fuckin' prostate!"

[DV now becomes Prostate.]

Carlo: "My what?"
Prostate: "Me, ya fuckin' prostate gland?? Little walnut sized thing up yer ass??"
Carlo: "And you can talk??"
Prostate: "I can tuhday! So you's betta listen!"
Carlo: *gets off bike, walks to kitchen for some water*
Prostate: "You need to stop sittin' on dat damn bike so long!"
Carlo: "I gotta get my cardio in."
Prostate: "But ya KILLIN ME!!!"
Carlo: *takes drink, then calls Rocco on the phone*
Prostate: "Fuck you doin??"
Rocco: *answers phone* "Hello?"
Carlo: "Aaay, Rocky!"
Rocco: "What!"
Carlo: "I got a question for ya."
Rocco: "GO."
Carlo: "Can your prostate talk ta you?"
Rocco: "Can my what do what???"
Carlo: "Prostate. Can it talk to ya?"
Rocco: Carlo, I want you to do me a favor."
Carlo: "What's that?"
Rocco: "Hang up, then call 9-1-1. OK? Will ya do dat fuh me?"
Carlo: "Why? I'm not in no medical emergency!"
Rocco: "If you're talkin to ya prostate then there's definitely somethin' fucky goin on!"
Carlo: "So you're not gonna answer my question?"
Rocco: *hangs up*
Carlo: "Yes or No would do." *waits*

Carlo realizes what has happened. Again. Rocco likes the hang-up. It's a signature move fuh him.

Prostate: "You ready to listen now?"
Carlo: "This is too fucked up."
Prostate: "Not yet it ain't! But you keep goin' and you can say goodbye to erections and pissin' normal!"
Carlo: "You're not a doctuh! You can't give medical advice!"
Prostate: "Naw fuckface, I'm part of ya goddamn body! I LIVE in this cesspool you call home!"

Carlo walks over to the sofa and has a seat.

Prostate: "Won't take a minute... might save ya life?"
Carlo: *thinks about it*
Prostate: "And could ya shift ova onto one ass cheek while yer at it? I can't fuckin' breathe down here!"
Carlo: "Say what ya gotta say already!"
Prostate: "Finally! OK, it's good that you've taken an interest in ya health lately but you're not doing enough!
Carlo: "Fuck you talkin' about?"
Prostate: "Well, ya diet is still pretty fucked."
Carlo: "What do you mean, I cut all the sugar and reduced my salt and fat! What more can I do?"
Prostate: "Jeezus, will you listen to ya'self? Nearly everything you eat is on the medical DO NOT list!"
Carlo: "Like what?"
Prostate: "All those Italian cold cuts, sausages, hot dogs, BACON, pork chops, it goes on and on!"
Carlo: "Fuck am I 'spose ta eat den?"
Prostate: "How's about some lean proteins like chicken, turkey, fish?"
Carlo: "I eat those too!"
Prostate: "Come on Carlo! I'm in here processing all that nasty shit you shove in ya mouth!"
Carlo: "I don't believe dis."
Prostate: "And God fuhbid you ever eat a fuckin' vegetable! When's da last time you did dat? Fifth grade??"
Carlo: "Fuck you, I always get my Fat & Greasy's all-the-way! Lettuce, toms, pickles, onions, the whole nine!"
Prostate: "Will you just listen to ya'self? Sound like a dope-addict ova here!"

Carlo has a moment to think. Maybe he was goin' a little hard on the nitrates? Would he hafta give it all
up to save his little walnutty buddy?


TO BE CONTINUED... ??