03-07-2021, 10:43 PM
Speaking of crank calling... lmao
SWIM and a couple buddies of his used to like to do a little "checking in" on folks
back in the late 80's - early 90's. Before that disgusting bitch, caller-ID, showed up. *boo-hiss*
Now, they never scammed anyone or did anything unscrupulous - aside from stealing away
several minutes of people's free time - but boy did we, ahem, they ever have a time!! ; )
This next excerpt is based on true events...
The Players:
SWIM
Friend
Lady [on the phone]
Lady: "Hello?"
SWIM: "Hey, is Robert around?"
Lady: "There's no Robert here."
SWIM: "Oh my God, please tell me you're joking!"
Lady: "No I ain't joking. I think you got the wrong number."
SWIM: "Is this..." *recites lady's number*
Lady: "Yes, that's my phone number but there's no Robert here."
SWIM: "Do you know of a way I can get a hold of him?"
Lady: "Son, I don't know anyone named Robert and I can't help you!"
SWIM: "Ma'am please!? I'm at the police station!"
Lady: "What are ya doin' there?"
SWIM: "I got shafted and they're gonna arrest me if Robert can't come down here and straighten this out!"
Lady: "Well looks like you're gettin' arrested cuz there ain't no Robert here."
SWIM: "I just need him to explain the monkey situation and I'm free to go."
Lady: "Monkeys?"
SWIM: "Yes ma'am, monkeys."
Lady: "What kind of monkeys?"
SWIM: "Undoubtedly illegal ones."
Lady: "I don't want no part of that, I'm hangin' up now."
SWIM: "Ma'am please! If you do my entire future is ruined!!" *choking on restrained laughter*
Lady: "Son, if you stole a buncha monkeys then you NEED to be in jail!"
SWIM: "I didn't steal them! Honest to God!"
Lady: "Well you said they were illegal!?"
SWIM: "I knooow, but I didn't know that at the time!"
Lady: "I think you're on drugs."
SWIM: "Ma'am, if you EVER come across ANYONE selling fifty racing pigeons for $200, don't
fall for it! That's at least $1,000 worth of birds!"
Lady: "Monkeys now pigeons??"
SWIM: *covers phone, trying to stifle laughter, shoots gooey snot out of nose*
Friend: *hyperventilating with lulz*
SWIM: "Yes ma'am, and they double-crossed me on the pigeons. That's how I ended up with
these dang monkeys!"
Lady: "Listen, son, you need to call your parents or a lawyer. I can't help you."
SWIM: "Ma'am, if you could just please have Robert come down - "
Lady: "For the last time, THERE AIN'T NO ROBERT HERE!!"
SWIM: *bursts out laughing*
Friend: *does the same*
Lady: "I KNEEEW this was a prank call, you little bastard!"
SWIM: "Ma'am, I'm sorry. We were just bored and wanted to see if anyone would believe us."
Lady: "Well I nearly did until you started in about damned monkeys!"
SWIM: "Is that what tore it?"
Lady: "I'm missin' my damn Wheel of Fortune!!" *slams phone down*
Aaahhh, the good ol' days... lurlz
SWIM and a couple buddies of his used to like to do a little "checking in" on folks
back in the late 80's - early 90's. Before that disgusting bitch, caller-ID, showed up. *boo-hiss*
Now, they never scammed anyone or did anything unscrupulous - aside from stealing away
several minutes of people's free time - but boy did we, ahem, they ever have a time!! ; )
This next excerpt is based on true events...
The Players:
SWIM
Friend
Lady [on the phone]
Lady: "Hello?"
SWIM: "Hey, is Robert around?"
Lady: "There's no Robert here."
SWIM: "Oh my God, please tell me you're joking!"
Lady: "No I ain't joking. I think you got the wrong number."
SWIM: "Is this..." *recites lady's number*
Lady: "Yes, that's my phone number but there's no Robert here."
SWIM: "Do you know of a way I can get a hold of him?"
Lady: "Son, I don't know anyone named Robert and I can't help you!"
SWIM: "Ma'am please!? I'm at the police station!"
Lady: "What are ya doin' there?"
SWIM: "I got shafted and they're gonna arrest me if Robert can't come down here and straighten this out!"
Lady: "Well looks like you're gettin' arrested cuz there ain't no Robert here."
SWIM: "I just need him to explain the monkey situation and I'm free to go."
Lady: "Monkeys?"
SWIM: "Yes ma'am, monkeys."
Lady: "What kind of monkeys?"
SWIM: "Undoubtedly illegal ones."
Lady: "I don't want no part of that, I'm hangin' up now."
SWIM: "Ma'am please! If you do my entire future is ruined!!" *choking on restrained laughter*
Lady: "Son, if you stole a buncha monkeys then you NEED to be in jail!"
SWIM: "I didn't steal them! Honest to God!"
Lady: "Well you said they were illegal!?"
SWIM: "I knooow, but I didn't know that at the time!"
Lady: "I think you're on drugs."
SWIM: "Ma'am, if you EVER come across ANYONE selling fifty racing pigeons for $200, don't
fall for it! That's at least $1,000 worth of birds!"
Lady: "Monkeys now pigeons??"
SWIM: *covers phone, trying to stifle laughter, shoots gooey snot out of nose*
Friend: *hyperventilating with lulz*
SWIM: "Yes ma'am, and they double-crossed me on the pigeons. That's how I ended up with
these dang monkeys!"
Lady: "Listen, son, you need to call your parents or a lawyer. I can't help you."
SWIM: "Ma'am, if you could just please have Robert come down - "
Lady: "For the last time, THERE AIN'T NO ROBERT HERE!!"
SWIM: *bursts out laughing*
Friend: *does the same*
Lady: "I KNEEEW this was a prank call, you little bastard!"
SWIM: "Ma'am, I'm sorry. We were just bored and wanted to see if anyone would believe us."
Lady: "Well I nearly did until you started in about damned monkeys!"
SWIM: "Is that what tore it?"
Lady: "I'm missin' my damn Wheel of Fortune!!" *slams phone down*
Aaahhh, the good ol' days... lurlz
