08-26-2023, 10:03 AM
I'm Wayne Brady, bitch!!
Wayne receives a call from Gary, his agent. This is how that conversation went. Probably.
[Wayne Brady will be WB. Gary the agent will be GTA]
It’s a marvelous sunny day - but Wayne is feeling a bit of the blues. His career has hit
a stagnant point and he’s not sure of a way forward. He lays on an over-sized sectional
in his opulent great room when the phone rings. Reluctantly, he answers.
WB: "Hello." *in a deflated manner*
GTA: "Wayne! What’s cookin’ my man?"
WB: "Who is this?"
GTA: "It’s me, Gary. Your agent."
WB: "Ooh, hey. What’s up?"
GTA: "Remember what we talked about last time? Getting you back in the spotlight?"
WB: "I guess."
GTA: "Well here it is! THIS is how we do it!"
WB: "How?"
GTA: "You’re gonna love it! Listen - we put it out on the wire… that you are now - pan-sexual."
WB: "Pan? What? I’m fuckin’ pans now?? I got a cookware fetish??"
GTA: "NO! Nothing like that, it means you’re fluid, that you’re attracted to everything!"
WB: "Man, how you gonna call me with some shit like this?"
GTA: "Wayne, baby, trust me! This is your John Travolta comeback!!"
WB: "Ain’t nobody tryin’ to be that fruity, borderline-rapist, creepy muthafucka!"
GTA: "Uh, Pulp Fiction? Tarantino??"
WB: "And he’s another one! Man, I gotta go!"
GTA: "Wayne! Wait!! This will get you street-cred with the younger generation! You wanna
be big with the kids, don’t ya?"
WB: "Appeal to children? There’s a word for that. And I damn sure don’t want it associated with me!"
GTA: "NO, you’ll be hip, in, everyone will love you!!"
WB: *thinks for a moment*
GTA: "You there?"
WB: "If we do this, we gotta do that other thing I mentioned."
GTA: "Of course! Anything you want! *pauses* What was the other thing?"
WB: "I want a harem."
GTA: "YES! YESS!! THIS is the Wayne Brady I know!!"
WB: "White girls. Twenty-one to twenty-five years old. I want thirty of them bitches."
GTA: "Absolutely!! Baby, you’ll be in more young white pussy than clit rings!!"
WB: "And… a talk show. I want you to Oprah me up."
GTA: "You wanna go on Oprah? SURE! I can make that happen!"
WB: No, I want my own talk show. Tongue Hour with Wayne Brady."
GTA: "Uuhh…"
WB: "You know, cuz I’ll be talking. To guests. "
GTA: "Oooh. K." *shaky voice*
WB: "Alright Gary, let’s make a move. Put your headline out. I’m ready for this!"
GTA: "Wayne, you will not be sorry! You’re gonna blow up like a warehouse full of sex dolls!!"
WB: *winces* "Just get it done." *hangs up*
: )
Wayne receives a call from Gary, his agent. This is how that conversation went. Probably.
[Wayne Brady will be WB. Gary the agent will be GTA]
It’s a marvelous sunny day - but Wayne is feeling a bit of the blues. His career has hit
a stagnant point and he’s not sure of a way forward. He lays on an over-sized sectional
in his opulent great room when the phone rings. Reluctantly, he answers.
WB: "Hello." *in a deflated manner*
GTA: "Wayne! What’s cookin’ my man?"
WB: "Who is this?"
GTA: "It’s me, Gary. Your agent."
WB: "Ooh, hey. What’s up?"
GTA: "Remember what we talked about last time? Getting you back in the spotlight?"
WB: "I guess."
GTA: "Well here it is! THIS is how we do it!"
WB: "How?"
GTA: "You’re gonna love it! Listen - we put it out on the wire… that you are now - pan-sexual."
WB: "Pan? What? I’m fuckin’ pans now?? I got a cookware fetish??"
GTA: "NO! Nothing like that, it means you’re fluid, that you’re attracted to everything!"
WB: "Man, how you gonna call me with some shit like this?"
GTA: "Wayne, baby, trust me! This is your John Travolta comeback!!"
WB: "Ain’t nobody tryin’ to be that fruity, borderline-rapist, creepy muthafucka!"
GTA: "Uh, Pulp Fiction? Tarantino??"
WB: "And he’s another one! Man, I gotta go!"
GTA: "Wayne! Wait!! This will get you street-cred with the younger generation! You wanna
be big with the kids, don’t ya?"
WB: "Appeal to children? There’s a word for that. And I damn sure don’t want it associated with me!"
GTA: "NO, you’ll be hip, in, everyone will love you!!"
WB: *thinks for a moment*
GTA: "You there?"
WB: "If we do this, we gotta do that other thing I mentioned."
GTA: "Of course! Anything you want! *pauses* What was the other thing?"
WB: "I want a harem."
GTA: "YES! YESS!! THIS is the Wayne Brady I know!!"
WB: "White girls. Twenty-one to twenty-five years old. I want thirty of them bitches."
GTA: "Absolutely!! Baby, you’ll be in more young white pussy than clit rings!!"
WB: "And… a talk show. I want you to Oprah me up."
GTA: "You wanna go on Oprah? SURE! I can make that happen!"
WB: No, I want my own talk show. Tongue Hour with Wayne Brady."
GTA: "Uuhh…"
WB: "You know, cuz I’ll be talking. To guests. "
GTA: "Oooh. K." *shaky voice*
WB: "Alright Gary, let’s make a move. Put your headline out. I’m ready for this!"
GTA: "Wayne, you will not be sorry! You’re gonna blow up like a warehouse full of sex dolls!!"
WB: *winces* "Just get it done." *hangs up*
: )
