SPOILERS. HAPPENING. BELOW. DON'T READ IT IF YOU DON'T ALREADY KNOW. HO.
Alright, bitches, it's time. After hearing everybody and their brother (literally) talk about AHS: Apocalypse... I'm watching it, and I'm reviewing it.
All timestamps are circa.
AHS - Season 8 - Episode 1 - "The End"
First of all I wanna start off by saying, I ACTUALLY HAVE POPCORN. I legitimately acquired popcorn, just for this moment. I haven't had popcorn in a LOOONG long time.
Okay, let's begin.
I'm LOW KEY excited. Just low key.
Aaand of course, immediately, a gay Evan Peters is foisted upon us...
Immediate disapproval.
It's funny she says she's an "Instagram Influencer" but she "refuses to show her full asscrack", so her hair has to be perfect instead...
"If I go to your Instagram and the first thing I see is your buttcheeks..."
http://www.sectual.com/thread-2865.html
I do somewhat appreciate how they're calling out all the product placement on Instagram for what it is... banal and insipid.
Oh. My. God.
So they're all sitting in the salon and a missile alert comes over everyone's phones, the lady says "It's a hoax, like that time in Hawaii"...
"Hawaii receives false incoming missile alert"
http://www.sectual.com/thread-4865.html
A little over a minute in and so far, this is pretty damn weird, I gotta say...
This is giving me chills.
It's chilling. It is. Gotta be honest. Probably one of the best seasons ever and I will say it's a little soon to call that...
But I think it will be.
Hardcore shit, NGL!
Is that Joan fuckin' Collins!?
5 min. in. LOL... this is awesome. It really is.
OMG "THE CONTRACT" BWAHAHAHAHA HOLIEST OF FUUUUUUUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I swear they literally write AHS FROM MY FUCKING LIFE sometimes, WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
BWAHAHAHA people are fucking KILLING EACH OTHER EVERYWHEEEEERRRREEEEE!!!!!!!!!
Y'all...
This season is nothing short of fucking lit.
THERE'S NO CREW IN THE FUCKING PLANE OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!
See, I fucking LOVE Joan Collins' rich, eccentric old lady character too because THAT'S HONEST TO GOD HOW THEY ARE. ROFL. And that's how they should be... every situation of life and death needs the rich, eccentric old lady who doesn't give a FUCKKKKK about dying.
10 mins. in. This dude who just got into UCLA is pretty fucking hot. LMAO oh no, is this gonna be another scene where a guy kills his whole family again in the face of impending doom? ROFL. Those are the worst.
Oh wooow. They're rounding up the 'special people'...
That's an interesting turn!!!
HAH OH MY FUCKING GODDDD BWHWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA THEY'RE THERE TO SAVE HIM BECAUSE HE SUBMITTED HIS DNA TO AN "ANCESTRY WEBSITE", WHAHAHAHAHAHA OH MY FUCKINGGGG GODDDD THEY DID NOT JUST GO THERE, ROFLROFLROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"23andMe & Ancestry.com teaming up with social media giants to catalog userbase DNA"
http://www.sectual.com/thread-49.html
Yeah, SUBMIT YOUR DNA TO 23ANDME!!! Maybe it's "EXCEPTIONAL" and when the apocalypse comes, AGENTS WILL COME TO YOUR HOUSE AND SAVE YOU!!!
ROFLROFLROFLROFL.
See folks...
This is why I do what I do.
This is why I timestamp, link, and commentate. This is why I link topics together, this is why I keep my finger on the pulse. This is why I do it, and yes, glory does feel fucking good.
13:00 "They got your bloodtest from a doctor... ran it through a database". AHA, so just like on all my threads about the DNA databases and the ancestry testing sites, people always say, "They already have your DNA" or "They take it at birth" or "They get it at the doctor"... they're covering all the bases in this plot. Very interesting.
15:00 how the fuck did I just KNOW that was Kathy Bates even though she wasn't even moving and she was totally dressed in black?
20:00 "social media gave people the illusion they were equal"? Uhhh, no actually it's done literally the opposite. That was a retarded statement.
The introduction into "Outpost 3" is blasé and gayer than Evan Peters' opening character so far.
23:30 they're all totally unhappy in the bunker... LOL. I totally agree with him, there's no reason to live in a bunker, it's better to just die.
"Interstellar Policeman" LOL, nice one. They always have a great soundtrack on this show.
25:00 "You don't know what disappointment is until you've slept with Yul Brynner" OH MY GOD, did they REALLY have to throw shade at anciently deceased Yul Brynner like that??? There's NO WAY he was sexually disappointing. No way. I can't believe she agreed to say that!!!
27:00 a FUCKIN' CARRIER PIDGEON OMG FUCKING LOOOOOLLLLLOOOOOLLLLL.
"They made you think the system was a rock; it was a water balloon."
33:00 Kathy Bates is the shit. She's an excellent actress.
34:00 LOL they're all eating the dead guy.
"THE STEW IS STU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
LMFAOLOLOLOLOLOL. Epic.
ROFL Joan Collins is like "I've been eating people in Hollywood since the 50s, no biggie!"
38:00 "18 months later" LMFAOROFLMFAOLOLOL, that was fucking brilliant.
40:00 ruh roh, the dark horses have come! Muwahahaha! Shit's abut to get weirder!
41:00 interesting numerology on that 'Cooperative Identification Document'.
42:00 ohhh hell yes. It's one of my favorite kinda people: the hotass dudes who play the antichrist...
http://www.sectual.com/thread-2443.html
Muwahahaha, I am a bad bad girl.
Hair's a lil too long, but he'll do.
Terrible actor too.
But it's bunker living, it's a pinch, he's gonna have to do.
Surely they wouldn't have chosen him if he didn't have... something. Anything.
Hmmm. I like the way he knew what they were doing to his horses. Wonder what the deal with that is... did he psychically know they were killing them? Were they instructed to kill them? Like what was the deal with that? Maybe I missed something.
Nothing short of an excellent first episode.
Alright, bitches, it's time. After hearing everybody and their brother (literally) talk about AHS: Apocalypse... I'm watching it, and I'm reviewing it.
All timestamps are circa.
AHS - Season 8 - Episode 1 - "The End"
First of all I wanna start off by saying, I ACTUALLY HAVE POPCORN. I legitimately acquired popcorn, just for this moment. I haven't had popcorn in a LOOONG long time.
Okay, let's begin.
I'm LOW KEY excited. Just low key.
Aaand of course, immediately, a gay Evan Peters is foisted upon us...
Immediate disapproval.
It's funny she says she's an "Instagram Influencer" but she "refuses to show her full asscrack", so her hair has to be perfect instead...
"If I go to your Instagram and the first thing I see is your buttcheeks..."
http://www.sectual.com/thread-2865.html
I do somewhat appreciate how they're calling out all the product placement on Instagram for what it is... banal and insipid.
Oh. My. God.
So they're all sitting in the salon and a missile alert comes over everyone's phones, the lady says "It's a hoax, like that time in Hawaii"...
"Hawaii receives false incoming missile alert"
http://www.sectual.com/thread-4865.html
A little over a minute in and so far, this is pretty damn weird, I gotta say...
This is giving me chills.
It's chilling. It is. Gotta be honest. Probably one of the best seasons ever and I will say it's a little soon to call that...
But I think it will be.
Hardcore shit, NGL!
Is that Joan fuckin' Collins!?
5 min. in. LOL... this is awesome. It really is.
OMG "THE CONTRACT" BWAHAHAHAHA HOLIEST OF FUUUUUUUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I swear they literally write AHS FROM MY FUCKING LIFE sometimes, WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
BWAHAHAHA people are fucking KILLING EACH OTHER EVERYWHEEEEERRRREEEEE!!!!!!!!!
Y'all...
This season is nothing short of fucking lit.
THERE'S NO CREW IN THE FUCKING PLANE OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!
See, I fucking LOVE Joan Collins' rich, eccentric old lady character too because THAT'S HONEST TO GOD HOW THEY ARE. ROFL. And that's how they should be... every situation of life and death needs the rich, eccentric old lady who doesn't give a FUCKKKKK about dying.
10 mins. in. This dude who just got into UCLA is pretty fucking hot. LMAO oh no, is this gonna be another scene where a guy kills his whole family again in the face of impending doom? ROFL. Those are the worst.
Oh wooow. They're rounding up the 'special people'...
That's an interesting turn!!!
HAH OH MY FUCKING GODDDD BWHWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA THEY'RE THERE TO SAVE HIM BECAUSE HE SUBMITTED HIS DNA TO AN "ANCESTRY WEBSITE", WHAHAHAHAHAHA OH MY FUCKINGGGG GODDDD THEY DID NOT JUST GO THERE, ROFLROFLROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"23andMe & Ancestry.com teaming up with social media giants to catalog userbase DNA"
http://www.sectual.com/thread-49.html
Yeah, SUBMIT YOUR DNA TO 23ANDME!!! Maybe it's "EXCEPTIONAL" and when the apocalypse comes, AGENTS WILL COME TO YOUR HOUSE AND SAVE YOU!!!
ROFLROFLROFLROFL.
See folks...
This is why I do what I do.
This is why I timestamp, link, and commentate. This is why I link topics together, this is why I keep my finger on the pulse. This is why I do it, and yes, glory does feel fucking good.
13:00 "They got your bloodtest from a doctor... ran it through a database". AHA, so just like on all my threads about the DNA databases and the ancestry testing sites, people always say, "They already have your DNA" or "They take it at birth" or "They get it at the doctor"... they're covering all the bases in this plot. Very interesting.
15:00 how the fuck did I just KNOW that was Kathy Bates even though she wasn't even moving and she was totally dressed in black?
20:00 "social media gave people the illusion they were equal"? Uhhh, no actually it's done literally the opposite. That was a retarded statement.
The introduction into "Outpost 3" is blasé and gayer than Evan Peters' opening character so far.
23:30 they're all totally unhappy in the bunker... LOL. I totally agree with him, there's no reason to live in a bunker, it's better to just die.
"Interstellar Policeman" LOL, nice one. They always have a great soundtrack on this show.
25:00 "You don't know what disappointment is until you've slept with Yul Brynner" OH MY GOD, did they REALLY have to throw shade at anciently deceased Yul Brynner like that??? There's NO WAY he was sexually disappointing. No way. I can't believe she agreed to say that!!!
27:00 a FUCKIN' CARRIER PIDGEON OMG FUCKING LOOOOOLLLLLOOOOOLLLLL.
"They made you think the system was a rock; it was a water balloon."
33:00 Kathy Bates is the shit. She's an excellent actress.
34:00 LOL they're all eating the dead guy.
"THE STEW IS STU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
LMFAOLOLOLOLOLOL. Epic.
ROFL Joan Collins is like "I've been eating people in Hollywood since the 50s, no biggie!"
38:00 "18 months later" LMFAOROFLMFAOLOLOL, that was fucking brilliant.
40:00 ruh roh, the dark horses have come! Muwahahaha! Shit's abut to get weirder!
41:00 interesting numerology on that 'Cooperative Identification Document'.
42:00 ohhh hell yes. It's one of my favorite kinda people: the hotass dudes who play the antichrist...
http://www.sectual.com/thread-2443.html
Muwahahaha, I am a bad bad girl.
Hair's a lil too long, but he'll do.
Terrible actor too.
But it's bunker living, it's a pinch, he's gonna have to do.
Surely they wouldn't have chosen him if he didn't have... something. Anything.
Hmmm. I like the way he knew what they were doing to his horses. Wonder what the deal with that is... did he psychically know they were killing them? Were they instructed to kill them? Like what was the deal with that? Maybe I missed something.
Nothing short of an excellent first episode.
