Scenes, skits and silly musings

[somethingelseishere]

Aww man... I don't know if I can do this one guys...  : (


Tommy walked outside to where his cousin was standing having a smoke.

"Ya know those things'll kill ya!" 

Salvatore Bona exhaled sending a cloud of nicotine into the air.

"Gotta die uh somethin' right?" he replied.

Tommy was now inches away, just to his cousin's right.

"Can you believe it's already dis cold? Fuckin' Novemba!" Tommy said.

"Yeah, I blame Santa."

"More likely those cocksuckin' lil' elves!" Tommy shot back as they both laugh.

He knew the longer he stood there making small talk the harder it would be to do what he knew 
had to be done. He felt tears coming on but quickly blinked them away. 

"Aaay, come on, take a ride wit me!" Tommy offered.

"Where to?" asked Sal, throwing his almost smoked cig onto the ground.

"You'll see." Tommy said, winking at his cousin.

The two walk over to Tommy's Escalade and hop in. The vehicle pulls out of the parking lot and they're
off to the races.

The Garden State wasn't always thought of for its scenery but it had its moments. The rural areas
made a lot more sense than the crowded cities with their traffic jams and hurried pedestrians. A person
could really do some thinking out in that clean, fresh air. Tommy was hoping it would be enough to
turn this whole thing around. But he had his doubts. Or rather, they had him.

"I rememba this place! We used to come here when we were kids!" Sal reminisces.

"Wait 'til ya see what I got in da back!" Tommy says smiling.

They pull to the end of a long, narrow trail that meets a small, falling-down shack. The property 
belonged to Tommy's uncle Johnny, who only just recently passed. They get out of the SUV and
look around as the memories come flooding back.

"Rememba the rope swing we had on dat tree, Uncle Johnny hung that thing and made us promise
we wouldn't kill ourselves falling from it?" Sal said as Tommy opened the back doors of the Escalade.

He was getting worried now. Tommy wasn't acting funny but this whole trip felt a little weird and Sal
didn't like weird. Tommy closed the doors with a large brown paper bag in hand as he approached his
nervous cousin.

"You're gonna love this!" Tommy said with a smirk. 

He got in front of Sal and opened the bag. Sal didn't know how to react.

"Holy shit! You kiddin' me??" he exclaimed.

Tommy pulled out two bottles of a very sweet, very cheap Italian wine. They both smiled.

"Fuckin' Giuseppe's?? Th' fuck outta here!" Sal said grabbing one of the bottles.

"What was we, nineteen, last time we drank this shit?" Tommy questioned, turning the cap.

"Yeah, probly" Sal said as he removed the cap and threw it into the brush.

"Well, Salute!" Tommy said as he tapped bottlenecks with Sal.

They both took a long pull and stood there looking into the woods.

"You think that porch will hold both of us up?" Tommy asked.

"Only one way to find out!" Sal returned taking off in that direction.

They both sit on the well-seasoned porch, Sal on the bottom step; Tommy on the top.

That wine was terrible, and they both knew it. Anything to help get him through this awful
day. Looking down at his cousin, he felt a lifetime of things. All at once. Here come those tears
again. Blinking was the order of the day for Tommy. The fresh air was nice. The stillness without
words; not so much. This was it. Now or never. Could he do this?

"How long?" 

Sal looked up at Tommy knowing exactly what he meant. It was all over for him.

"How long what?" 

"Don't you dare play fuckin' stupid wit me! HOW LONG??" Tommy said in a raised voice.

Sal stared at his cousin, noticing the tears running down his face. He never saw Tommy cry
before. This was gonna hurt far worse than he ever thought possible. He looked down at the
ground to try and find the words.

"I'm sorry Tommy" he said as tears now streamed down his own face.

"They had me, red-fuckin-handed."

Tommy didn't even bother wiping the tears away. He was well past that.

"That still doesn't answer my fuckin' question!"

"Three months." Sal offered sheepishly.

Tommy was in a blender of emotions. He threw his bottle into the yard and stood up on that porch.

"What do they know?" he asked Sal.

"Nothin! I never gave them anything on you, Tommy! I swear ta God!"

"WHAT do they fuckin' know??" he demanded.

"Just a few things I was in on, that's it! Nothin' else!!"

Tommy paced the porch. His heart was filled with brokenness as it beat erratically. 

"So, dat thing wit da pills? The credit card thing? That all?" Tommy asked almost breathlessly.

"They know I popped that dealer at the trap house. 'At's what they brought me in on."

Tommy was livid. He knew with even that little information the feds could not only make his
life miserable but they could potentially bring him in and royally fuck his life. 

"Why didn't you come to me right away?"

Sal wipes the wet from his face. "I was scared, I knew you'd be upset!"

"This goes way past upset, Sally! You fuckin know how this thing works!!"

Tommy's sadness grew as tears were now nonstop. He felt sick. But this didn't change a thing.

"I've always been a fuck up, Tommy. I didn't wanna disappoint ya. I wanted to fix it."

Tommy stopped pacing. Looking down, he saw the mess Sal was in. He wanted to be angry but
all he felt was a deep sense of mourning. Goddamn this whole fucking thing.

"What're we gonna do?" Tommy asked.

Sal, still looking down, "I dunno... I dunno Tommy..."

Tommy reached around his back to feel for that .38 he always kept hidden. 
It was there. But his determination wasn't.

"They offer you witness protection?"

"Hmph, me out in fuckin' Phoenix? Gettin' sun-cancer and dyin' in five years? No thanks!"

He'd rather take a full clip to the face than hurt his favorite cousin. Tommy would never feel the same again.

"I love you Sally-boy." he said with a quake in his voice.

"I love you too Tommy..."



That lone drive back to the city was the longest ride of Tommy's life.

[somethingelseishere]

I know this story mirrors certain elements from a couple different episodes of
The Sopranos but none of that was in mind when I wrote this. Honestly, you'd be
hard-pressed to write a mob-related story that wasn't already done, by The Sopranos
or any other number of mafia based movies/TV shows. They've kinda been "done to death"
but it's still one of my most favored genres of entertainment. That and westerns.

[somethingelseishere]

More useless trivia - On the mob stuff, I don't really do any research. I just pull from the many
years of TV shows and movies that I've seen. I DO however Google "Italian surnames" so that I can
make sure to "get 'em right". Also, I don't use any names, knowingly, that have any basis in reality.

Like, I won't use the name Gambino in one of my made up stories unless it's just a reference to that
name/family. The actual Gambino crime family, I wouldn't use in a made-up story because I prefer to
keep it all original AND free from "actual living persons".

Everything else, pretty much the same. I'll Google Irish surnames, Scottish surnames, whatever I need
for any particular piece I'm putting together. I like it to have an authentic feel without being stereotypical
or hacky. But I just make it all up on the spot as it fits in the storyline. 

I do sometimes Google certain things to be as factual as possible. If I were to be writing a story about
say, a welder? I'd do some Googling to make sure whatever I wrote made sense in a real world context.

If I feel I need to do that, then I will. But mostly, what I write doesn't require that much depth as far
as research goes. It's mostly so that I can keep an air of realness to things.

[somethingelseishere]

Hahaha... The cheap wine [Giuseppe's] - Totally made up!
Fat & Greasy's [the burger joint from Dr. Rocco] - Totally made up!

If those things ARE a thing, in New Jersey OR anywhere in the US, that'd be hilarious!
I didn't Google to check that out... but I might have to now, lol.

[somethingelseishere]

Also kinda funny: I'm defaulting to this faked 'Jersey accent now - ALL THE TIME. lol

When I read this forum or anything else, bamm! My slightly twangy Texan accent is GONE!
I like to think it's part of submerging into the character profiles, kinda like how actors do, but
I'm not an actor! I'm just a jerk-off writing silly little stories. But that accent is STILL taking center stage!

Oofah!!

[somethingelseishere]

Bwahhahahahaha!! The Animal Effect...

OK, I've got some interesting real world findings here, lol.

I just went out into the living room and talked to one of our cats. Kinda strange.
Usually, in my normal accent, I'll walk by her and talk in a high-pitched baby voice
saying something like "Hiiiiiii Phoooeeebeee!! How are you little sugar-puff??" And she'll
look up and meow and all is right with the world. Well not today!!

I go out there with my Dr. Rocco accent and say "Ooooh, there she is! Ms. Phoebe, Queen
of fuckin' Sheba! How you doin', dollface?" NOTHING! NUUUUHTHIIINNNG!! No looking up
at me! No meow! No kiss my foot! Silence!

So I don't think she's much amused with her new daddy.  : (

[somethingelseishere]

Screamin' out of Newark, New Jersey - The Internet's newest podcast heroes!!

Got It Made wit Rocco!!

*opening music - AC/DC's - Back In Black*

Rocco: Ooooooooooooh!!! What d'ya know, what d'ya say you beautiful cocksuckas??
Listen to those fuckin' guitars, would ya! Tear it up Angus! You absolute fuckin beast!!

Yeah! Where else ya gonna get four minutes and fifteen seconds of bad-assery to rock your fuckin'
face off, as an intro?? ONLY HERE!! Dat's right ya crazy bastids!! Welcome to the show!!

We got a good thing lined up for yous guys tonight, so get ya fuckin' adult beverages and snacks
and tiddy books at the ready cuz this shit is about to blow wide fuckin' open heeuh!! 

Our boy on the control panel ova deh, my nephew Anthony running the whole operation like 
a fuckin' surgeon! In the Artie seat we got none udda dan my dear friend, Carlo from the News Stand!

And I'm Uncle Rocco here to give you the latest and greatest on EVERYFUCKINTHING!! 

So let's do dis!!!

*power cut* The lights go out and Rocco's basement/game room/podcast villa is now in total darkness.

Rocco: "You have got to be fuckin' kidding me..."
Anthony: "We're down Uncle Rocky."
Rocco: "No shit, I can't see my fuckin' hand before me."
Carlo: "You got a flashlight?"
Rocco: "Even if I did, how the fuck would I find it in dis COMPLETE FUCKIN DARKNESS??"
Anthony: "Here Uncle Rock." *turns on cell phone flashlight*
Rocco: "Tanks, Ant'ny. I'm sorry I barked at ya."
Anthony: "S'ok, it happens."
Carlo: "What about me?"
Rocco: "What about you?"
Carlo: "You didn't apologize. You yelled at me too."
Rocco: "Jeezus fuckin' bass boat fisherman, I gotta hold ya hand too?"
Carlo: "No, it's just courteous is all. Manners."
Rocco: "Oh Carlo, please forgive me, I wasn't aware you had panties on today!"
Carlo: "And now ya being nasty."
Rocco: "Come on Carlo! Stop wit all the emotional manipulation! We got problems heeuh!"

Rocco walks to the stairway and carefully climbs up to the kitchen door.

Anthony: "You checkin' the breaka box?"
Rocco: "Naw, I'm gonna see if Sophia Loren has time for a quick handjob?"
Carlo: "There's no need for dat Rock, the kid was just askin..."
Rocco: "Carlo, get ahold uh yaself."

Rocco, now in the kitchen, makes a bee line to the back room to check that breaker.

Carlo: "This is not a good sign."
Anthony: "What d'ya mean?"
Carlo: "The maiden voyage is doomed. Not even one episode in and already we're experiencing technical difficulties."
Anthony: "I'm sure it's nothing. Probably just tripped a switch."
Carlo: "You believe in omens kid?"
Anthony: "I dunno Carlo."
Carlo: "I shoulda stopped by Gino's. Got us all a slice and a Coke."
Anthony: "Their double pepperoni, oofah, don't get me started."
Carlo: "Wit da red pepper flakes? Heaven."

Rocco is still gone, a little longer than he should've been. Is there trouble in Paradise?

Anthony: *yells* "Aay Uncle Rocky!! You alright up dare??" 

*silence*

Carlo: "Here, use my phone light, go check on him." *hands Anthony his phone*
Anthony: *takes it and walks upstairs*

Once in the kitchen, Anthony walks back to where Rocco is: Checking the fuse box.

Anthony: "Uncle Rocky?"
Rocco: "Dis fuckin' thing!"
Anthony: "What'sa matta?"
Rocco: "Unless I just became fuckin retarded, there's nothing wrong wit deez fuses!"
Anthony: *looks on* "That's weird. What else could it be?"
Rocco: "I dunno, I'ma go check outside. See if the zombie invasion's hit."

Rocco walks out the back and breezes around front to look up and down the street for anything 
that sticks out. And there it is: An NJGE [New Jersey Gas & Electric] truck. He walks down to ask 
the relevant questions.

Rocco: "Hey, how you guys doin'?"
Worker: "Aay, how's it goin?"
Rocco: "Not so great. My electricity is out. That what y'all are doin?"
Worker: "Whole street's out. Been workin' on the line, had to do a little diggin."
Rocco: "I see. Well, this an all day thing or what?"
Worker: "Hopefully not."
Rocco: "Well you got an idea when it'll be back on?"
Worker: "Not yet."
Rocco: "Hours?"
Worker: "Could be."
Rocco: "Three, four?"
Worker: "Look, pal, we're doin all we can here. It'll be on when it's on."
Rocco: "Well that's not very helpful."
Worker: "Neither are you!"
Rocco: "Ooooh, fuck you say to me?"
Worker: "We're tryin' to work here, why don't you go back into your - "
Rocco: "Don't fuckin tell me what to do, ya prick! I pay your fucking salary!"
Worker: "Uh, no ya don't! I'm not a cop, douchebag!"
Rocco: "You fuckin' cocksucka! I got ya douchebag right heeuh, and it looks like ya mudda!"

Rocco with his amazing people skills manages to get into a scuffle with a utility worker. Anthony is just
now making his way up the street to find his uncle rolling on the ground with the city employee.

Anthony: "Jeezus Christ Uncle Rocky!! Stop! What're ya doin?"

They roll and swat at each other as Anthony reaches down to try and separate them.

Rocco: "I'll kill dis fuckin' prick!"
Anthony: "Uncle Rock, calm down, Jeezus!!"

The two men stand up and try to compose themselves.

Worker: "Your uncle is a fuckin whackjob kid! I'm callin' the police!"
Rocco: "Fuck you, ya pussy! Talk shit and then go cryin' to the fuckin law!"
Anthony: "Will you just stop it already? You're gonna get arrested!"
Rocco: "Fuck that and fuck him! I gotta right to defend myself!"
Worker: *walking away* "You attacked me, prick!"
Rocco: "Go fuck ya sista you cunt!"
Anthony: "STOP IT! Just stop it. I'm gonna go try to talk to him. Maybe he won't call the cops."
Rocco: "He can fuck a cop too! Sorry bagga bitchiz!"

Anthony follows the worker to his truck in hopes of smoothing things over. He loved his uncle but
man oh man, was he ever a handful. Rocco turns around and is startled. Out of nowhere, Carlo appears.

Rocco: "Jeezus Fuckin' Christ Carlo! What are you a fuckin' ninja??"
Carlo: "Why you always gotta lead wit anger?"
Rocco: "The fuck are you talkin' about?"
Carlo: "See? You're angry. And you're angry most of the time. That's not good for you."
Rocco: "So, my Artie just became my Oprah. Oh happy fuckin' day!"
Carlo: "You should really look into anger management. They got classes at - "
Rocco: "Anger management? Go check ya blood sugar! You're delirious!"
Carlo: "How long ya gonna live like this, Rock? It's eatin' ya up inside."
Rocco: "I'm not havin' this conversation witchu." *turns away*

Anthony is now walking towards them.

Anthony: "OK, I talked him outta callin' the cops, but You gotta go back inside and stay there!"
Rocco: "No fuckin' way dat prick is puttin' me under house arrest! This is America!!"
Anthony: "Well you could be put under real arrest, he decides to call the cops again."
Rocco: *thinks* "Fuck it, I got betta things to do..."

They slowly walk back up the street.

Carlo: "How 'bout we go to Gino's, get a slice?"
Anthony: "Yeah, that sounds good. What d'ya say Uncle Rock?"
Rocco: "This was supposed to be our first ever episode of the new podcast today."
Anthony: "There's still time! It's only 3:47pm! We got all day!"
Carlo: "Yeah, we go do our thing, come back and the juice'll probably be back on!"

They now stand in front of Rocco's house. Gino's did make a good fuckin' slice of double pepp.

Rocco: "You drivin'?"
Carlo: "Sure thing! Let's go!"

They all pile into Gino's car and head off to enjoy what's left of their afternoon.


- TO BE CONTINUED -  ???

[somethingelseishere]

Man, I HAD to be a dago in a past life!! lol

OK, I just found out that this was an "offensive" slang term for Italians.

Aaaaaand I had NO idea! Never heard that said before. If this is some soft-ass,
weak-ass bullshit that has taken place in the last several years then they can fuck
ALL the way off! IF, in the event this was always the case, then I sincerely apologize
for its' use and will discard it from my vocabulary. 

But I heard it all my life as a term for Italians and never once was it said in context of being
hateful or slanderous. That is certainly not how I intended it. Fuckin Life, eh?

[somethingelseishere]

The rickety, weather-beaten enclosure was barely standing. 

It had the look of an old fashioned outhouse and the cold night wind whipped between
its cracked and oddly spaced boards. No actual bathroom facilities, just a rusty metal pole
he found himself lashed to. A white plastic bucket sat in the corner as a half dozen large 
rats fought to bring it down. Their bloodlust seeking its contents: A dead bull snake.

He watched as they pounced on the rotting reptile; tearing it to ribbons. How long would
it be before they came for his bare feet? Footsteps were drawing near. Several. The number of
which he couldn't be certain but it was enough of them to make him very uneasy.

A low whooping rose from the cruel captors circling the old structure. Sounding like birdsong 
being played on a warped record, their trills grew louder and more menacing as clacking now
surrounded him. Not only were they taunting him with their shrill cries, he was subject to the
rhythmic assault of what had to be hard wooden sticks thrashing upon the little hut.

Both thumbs were broken. His swollen face stung from the nettle-swatting and he felt short of
breath. Everything was being pushed into the red. Vision blurring. Pain racing. Fear owned him.



If only he had that spare in his trunk, this wouldn't be happening.

[somethingelseishere]

The shiny new cab pulled into the parking area. It was near empty. Pretty uncommon for
a Saturday. But it was early December and the nip in the air proved to be a little much
for most. The passenger reached over the backseat to pay his fare before climbing out.

"Wait for your change pal!" the driver replied.

"Nah, keep it..." 

"But this is a hundred!"

"Merry Christmas..." 

"Thanks buddy! Same ta you!"

He closed the door and found the trailhead. That chill in the air was his favorite part of the fall/winter
season. Always the outdoorsy type, this park was a place he'd spent most of his free time going back 
several years. The memories were sweet, comforting. They were all he had left. Nine months prior
his family was struck by the cruelest of tragedies. His seven year old son was killed by a drunk driver while
riding his bike just blocks away from home. It ruined him. And his wife. He was their only child.

Three months later, divorce came calling. He couldn't see it being anything but his wife's way of punishing
him for their son's death. Even if it wasn't, he'd never be able to feel it differently. Such cutting, harsh words
were exchanged between them. Lots of hurt, angry nights on the couch. Several more at the Motel 6.

The unraveling spun out into all facets of his life. A daily fifth of whiskey couldn't calm those demons.
He was tormented in his every waking thought. But no matter how much he drank, how much he hated 
himself, nothing would ever bring his kid back. And that was his life going forward. Loss. Emptiness.

The trail broke into several offshoots that would lead deeper into the wooded area situated behind. It was
a sprawling mess of trees, thickets and high grass. Beautiful and very accommodating if solitude was your
goal. And it was for Devon Amberly. Because he wasn't there to take in the natural grandeur.

He was there to end his life.


Further and further he walked, climbing through brush and low-hanging branches. The inner beatdown
becoming more violent the longer he marched. Not even the most adventurous dog-walkers ever came
back this far. He didn't want to be the damper on some poor unsuspecting person's days. So time didn't
matter, distance was the issue at hand. He came to a small clearing. There was something on the ground
up ahead. He clung to the hope of being wrong about what it was.

He approached cautiously until he was close enough to know for sure. Then, he ran to them. It was a young
girl. Couldn't be more than twenty-three. Short black hair, pale skin, sea-green sweater and enough blood
to make a horror movie. Her sleeves were pulled high, both forearms slashed deeply. Someone had beaten
him to the punch. 

"Oh no-no-no-no-no, God please, no!" he cried. This wasn't something he planned on finding. Now or ever.

"Hey! Wake up! Come on! Please!!" he begged, gently slapping the girl's face in hopes of rousing her.

He was breathless. Tears falling. He was already wrecked inside. This was the soul-crushing cherry on top.

"Please! Come on! Open your eyes!!" 

Nothing. She was gone. Still warm and limber. Must've been just moments before he came along. Why?
What could've pushed this beautiful young lady to such extremes? She was neat and clean. The sweet smell
of body spray most girls her age use cast a pleasant dome of innocence around her. His stomach knotted
as be bent over to hug this poor soul as she no doubt made her journey to the next life.

For whatever reasons, this was meant to be. And Devon didn't get around to pulling his own plug that day.



Sometimes, Fate speaks loudest to deaf ears.

[somethingelseishere]

Bada boom, bada bing! Anudda Uncle Rocco Special heeuh!! Kinda... not really... we'll see...


Rocco: *talking on phone* "Aay Carlo!"
Carlo: *other end* "Aay Rock, how goes it?"
Rocco: "Eh ya know, keepin' my dick up."
Carlo: "Ya gotta."
Rocco: "Look, the dream wagon's in da shop til Saturday, so I need a ride to da Home Depots."
Carlo: "You want me to take ya?"
Rocco: "No Carlo, I want you to ask ya neighba Mrs. Bendetti!" 
Carlo: "But she doesn't drive anymore Rock."
Rocco: "Jeezus Christ on a milk carton, YES CARLO, I WANT YOU TO TAKE ME!!"
Carlo: "OK, take it easy. All ya had to do was ask."
Rocco: *hangs up*
Carlo: "You want me to come now? ... Hello? ... Rocky?"

Carlo "got the message" and drives over to pick up his friend Rocco. They drive to the local Home Depot
and find a peach of a parking spot near the door. Luckily, it's all above-board as Carlo has the handicap 
parking tag thanks to his bad knee.

Carlo: "I love being able to park so close. Lot easier on my joints."
Rocco: "You gonna thank me?"
Carlo: "Fuh what?"
Rocco: "Are you serious??"
Carlo: "Yeah. Thank you fuh what?"
Rocco: *looks down at Carlo's knee, then up at him, then back to da knee and back up to him*
Carlo: "Oooh, you want me thank you for ruining my ability to walk more than two blocks?"
Rocco: "Come on Carlo! Wit-out me smackin' ya knee around, you wouldn't have dis blue tag of freedom heeuh!"
Carlo: "Jesus Christ, Rocky, how can you even think like that?"
Rocco: "Eeeeh, fuck it. You're welcome!"

They get out and walk up to the store. Rocco has to wait by the doors because Carlo is a slow-mover.

Rocco: "You should get one of those Rascals, ya know, mobilized scooters fuh old people?"
Carlo: "I'm only 59, dat's not old!"
Rocco: "Yeah, but 59 tuhday, 75 tomorrow!"
Carlo : *shakes head* "Hell of a friend you are!"
Rocco: "Come on, let's go see what these bastids got in heeuh!"

They walk down a few aisles before Rocco finds what he's looking for. 

Carlo: "You puttin' up a fence?"
Rocco: "Not exactly."

Rocco is perusing their selection of chain link fence posts.

Rocco: "I think this one will do, yeah, I'll get this one."
Carlo: "What's it for?"
Rocco: "Oh, you will see my friend, you will see!"

They drive back to Rocco's and immediately go down to his basement. Game room. Podcast villa. Whateva.

Rocco: "I think I'll put it riiiiiiight here!"
Carlo: "Ya puttin' a strippa pole in ya game room?"
Rocco: "It's not a strippa pole!! It's for Festivus!!"
Carlo: "You been watchin' Seinfeld reruns again?"
Rocco: "Yeah, so! I love that show! They're some funny Jews!"
Carlo: "Uh, Rock, I don't think you can say dat..."
Rocco: "What? They are! They're funny! I love dat show!"
Carlo: "No, I mean about the udda."
Rocco: "What? Jews?"
Carlo: "Yeah. It's not right anymore."
Rocco: "But THEY'RE JEWWWISH!!"
Carlo: *shrugs*
Rocco: "Political correctness is a cancer, Carlo. You grew up wit me, you know betta."
Carlo: "Whateva. So, this festival pole - "
Rocco: "FESTIVUS! FEEESTIVUUUS!!"
Carlo: "OK, take it easy. What's it for?"
Rocco: "It is an alternative to Christmas. A very sensible one I might add!"
Carlo: "You don't like Christmas anymore?"

Anthony is just now at the bottom of the stairs.

Anthony: "Who don't like Christmas anymore?"
Carlo: "Aay Ant'ny, it's Rock. He's doin' this udda thing now. Festi-somethin."
Rocco: "FESTIVUS, ya retahd!"
Anthony: "What's wit da strippa pole? You gettin' some girls down heeuh?"
Rocco: "It's NOT a strippa pole! Jeezus barn-burning Christ! It's a FESTIVUS POLE!"
Anthony: "Looks like a strippa pole to me."
Rocco: "Well it ain't! So stop it!"
Anthony: "I know dis girl that does a few nights at the Bouncin' Betty, if ya want I could letta know?"
Rocco: "I'm not turning my basement into a strip club, ya toe-headed fucknut!"
Anthony: "Jeez, calm down already! OK! We get it!"
Rocco: "Do You??"

They stand looking at the plain, primer gray fence post as it leans up against the wall. It's only two feet
short of touching the ceiling. A few more trips to Home Depot and that pole will be ready for all the
holiday action Rocco can throw at it. How could dis go wrong??


ROFL... Good God, even I can't see what's next for these fucks! lol

[somethingelseishere]

OK, don't tell him, but I'm kiiiinda picturing Rocco as Ticked Off Vic [Vic Dibitetto] from YouTube.
His physical blueprint. He's a comedian and very funny. And Italian. And funny. Did I mention dat?

But mostly, my inspiration for Rocco is Carl Brutanananadilewski [Jeezus I can't believe I got that right! lol]
from Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Carl, while not Italian, [he's Polish] brings the funny like no other character
I've ever seen! Fuckin' Dave Willis, you my friend, are a fucking genius! Thank you for giving me some of
THE best laughs of my entire fuckin' life. Ya buddy Matt ain't too shabby neither.

There ya go cocksuckas! Inside scoops wit sprinkles fuh FREE!! 


#dudeneedshelp

[somethingelseishere]

It was just a day like any other...


"No shots fired unless necessary, got it?" 

"Got it!"

"Repeat it!" he demanded.

"No shots fired unless necessary!" she recited.

"Who are you?" 

"Pig One!" she said.

"Who am I?"

"Pig Two!" she continued.

"Time of engagement??"

"In and out - ninety seconds!" she stated.

Pig Two, locked and loaded with a sleek black Russian AK, moved to the van's back doors.

"If we are fired upon, engage and empty!" he said sternly.

"To the last shell!" she followed.

"Let's become Gods!" he yelled flinging the doors open and bailing out into the street.

Pigs One & Two were about to find their glory in this life. To the tune of ten million dollars.
They tear through the bank doors with guns poised for action to find an extremely disarming reality.

Frozen with a shocked confusion, they stand looking around at the twenty-odd customers scattered
the length and breadth of that bank; all wearing the same Halloween-style pig masks they had on.

Every plastic face turning to burn stares into the would-be bank robbers. And in one perfectly calculated 
movement, they every single one draw a weapon and point in the Pigs direction.

"What the fuck do we do??" Pig One asked in a fearful tremor. 

"Go to your mom's?" Pig Two replied.


It was just a day like any other...

[somethingelseishere]

Hahaha, had to edit the last line of dialogue. Much better now, lol.

[somethingelseishere]

We know him, we love him. Carlo from the News Stand. The fuck is he doin?? lol

*in Tim & Eric's glitched out sketchy style of infomercials*


Aaay, were you a high school loser? Never made it wit da ladies? Well lemme tell ya somethin' you
may have missed! You can have any woman fall at your feet like a Roman god in just tree days!

Dat's right, tree days! When you come to my brand new weekend seminar ova at da Knights of Columbus
Bingo Hall. Da one on Capra Avenue across from Benzetti's Neopolitan Deli. Shout out to Gio! Aaay, I'm
coming by dare tomorrow for those replacement sandwiches you promised. We don't pay for hair at my house!

*whispers from off-camera*

Yeah, I'm gettin ta dat. Keep ya pants on!

I can put you in the loving arms of a beautiful woman who finds you more attractive than Richard Gere
from 1983! Guaranteed! How? My Five Easy Steps to Conquering the Female Species.

Step 1: Know ya limits. If you look like Fred Flintstone don't set ya sights on Angelina Jolie. Ya gotta be
realistic! I'm not sayin' go afta Rosie O'Donnell but you may need to wiggle on down to a more humble
Joy Behar. 

*more off-camera whispers* 

Yeah, I know who dat is. I can't stand da bitch either but it's just an example. Calm down.

Got me sidetracked here. Where was I? Oh yeah, setting realistic goals. Now, when Cupid's Love arrow
strikes, you gotta be ready to pounce while the deer is still dazed. Don't let precious time get away from
you because you forgot to pick up Aunt Beppy's fluid pills from the pharmacy. Rookie mistake! Get ya errands 
done before you go lookin' for love! 

Step 2: Be the man ya father woulda wanted you ta be. That's right, no fuck boys need apply! If you can't
handle commitment and giving ya heart & love to just one special lady, then go back to jerkin' off in the 
restroom at the bowling alley during ya night shift. Most women are fond of children, but they don't want 
to date one! 

This is very important. I'm lookin' at you, Ant'ny! I love ya kid but you gotta holsta dat thing. It's all fun
and games until ya got tree or four baby-mama's holding ya little fat, hungry mistakes. They're not puppies,
you can't just take 'em out to the country and throw a bone into a vacant field and drive away. There's laws
now. Don't be that dead-beat prick, Ant'ny! Ya Uncle would never forgive you!

Step 3: Never back down from a sexual challenge. In a loving, consensual relationship both partners 
should feel comfortable enough with one anudda dat they can open up and explore their deepest erotic
desires wit-out feeling awkward or too demanding. 

Guys, lemme tell ya now, you're gonna hafta do betta when seein' ta her needs. Most women won't tell you
but they go unfulfilled most of the time. Just because you're able to blast jelly onto her chest and tummy
don't mean she's hit the high note for da night! You gotta get down into dat foxhole and root it out like
a soldier! Yeah it's gonna get ugly, but that's the job! Love it or leave it! If you can't open her fire hydrant
then you got no business ridin' the big red truck! Learn how to sing opera into that thing and she'll sit
front row every night! Lookin' at you Rocco! *points a finger* 

Now if your special lady wants to attempt the spicier things, don't say no until you try 'em first. Those who
Slay Togedda, Stay Togedda! Rememba dat! Now, if she's tryin' to put things into ya no-go zone, aaay, I dunno
what ta tell ya. How'd ya get mixed up wit dis crazy bitch anyhow? That's on you my friend, not me! It's a party
until you gotta explain how something that big got inside you to da ER proctologist. Pick ya partners wisely!

*more whispers from off-camera*

OK, they're saying we're outta time. Buncha miserly fucks. Oh well, you get the idea. 

I hope dis has been helpful ta you and that you can make it down to da Knights of Columbus Bingo
Hall dis Friday tru Sunday for my Five Easy Steps seminar. You will never be wit-out love in ya life again!

*and CUT*

Aaay, Rocco, how'd I do?

Rocco: *snoring*


; )

[somethingelseishere]

Today we got somethin' special. Rocco, Carlo and food. What could be betta?

Carlo: "You recordin'?"
Rocco: "Yeah I'm recordin! GO!"
Carlo: "Hey everybody! It's me, ya favorite New Jersey resident - "
Rocco: *behind the cell phone camera* "Oooooooh, You can't make dat claim!"
Carlo: "It's just a figure of speech, Rock, calm down."
Rocco: "I'M their favorite New Jersey resident! ME! And you ain't gettin' dis crown!"
Carlo: "We gonna do dis here? While I'm trying to Julia Child dis thing?"
Rocco: "No, ga head. Just stop it wit da bold assertions."
Carlo: "You need to start this over?"
Rocco: "NO! We can edit dat first part out, hit it!"

Carlo adjusts his apron. It's serious now.

Carlo: "Aaay, it's me, Carlo from the News Stand! And today we're gonna turn YOUR taste-buds
into a pleasure paradise that Caligula himself would be creamin' ova!"
Rocco: "Jeezus Carlo, you wit da sex all da time!"
Carlo: "When did you become a Quaker all of a sudden?"
Rocco: "No, it's just ya slide it into every conversation. Eatin' pussy, having the ladies takin' turns
sittin' on ya face. Glazin' ya down like a donut. Ya got sex on da brain is all."
Carlo: "There's nothing wrong wit havin' a healthy sex drive! Especially at my age!"
Rocco: "Aay, what you and Genie do in the pri - "
Carlo: "Don't mention her! There's no need fuh dat! It's disrespectful!"
Rocco: "Whoa, it's not like dat, I'm just sayin' dat what you do - "
Carlo: "I KNOW what ya sayin' and I'm tellin' ya to stop. Alright?"
Rocco: "Jeez, Carlo, I'm sorry. Didn't mean nuthin' by it, swear tuh God."
Carlo: "We doin' dis cookin' thing or what?"
Rocco: "Rolling!"
Carlo: "OK... So get ready you hungry bastids cuz we're about to load up a spread here that'll
feed everybody in ya family, twice!"

Carlo opens the pantry... kinda bare. Whoops. His timing was off. Poor Carlo.

Rocco: *giggles* "You makin' Ramen noodles?"
Carlo: "Fuck. What is tuhday?"
Rocco: "Tuesday."
Carlo: "Goddamnit. I thought it was Thursday."
Rocco: "And?"
Carlo: "Genie does da shoppin' on Thursday's."
Rocco: "So you got nuthin' in dare?"
Carlo: "Naw, we got stuff, just not what I had planned for the show."
Rocco: "Just do sumthin' else!"
Carlo: "But lasagna's my best dish. It's my strong suit!"
Rocco: "Well how about you just do some sandwiches? Everybody loves sandwiches!"
Carlo: "Dat's not cookin'! Any thumbless monkey can do dat!"
Rocco: "You skeevin' on hoagies now?"
Carlo: "We gotta go to da store! I need ingredients!"
Rocco: "Are you serious??"
Carlo: "Yeah! I'm serious! We're doin' dis thing right or not at all!"

Rocco turns the camera off, setting the phone down onto the countertop.

Rocco: "We're gonna get caught in traffic."
Carlo: "So what?"
Rocco: "You know how I feel about dat!"
Carlo: "Get ova yaself! We're wasting time here!"
Rocco: "Well you're driving!"
Carlo: "Genie's got the car. You'll have to taxi us."
Rocco: "Goddamn Tuesday!"

It looks like the boys have to make a trip to the supermarket. I can't wait to see how this goes!

[somethingelseishere]

Rocco and Carlo are creeping through the parking lot. He's lookin' for the closest possible spot
so Carlo don't hafta walk so far, on accounta his knee. Thanks again, Rocco!

Rocco: "How many cocksucka's gotta be here right now?"
Carlo: "Tuesday's ain't usually dis busy. Is it welfare check day?"
Rocco: "Fuck you askin' me for?"
Carlo: "What about dat one?"
Rocco: "It's handicapped!"
Carlo: "Yeah, so?"
Rocco: "So I ain't got wunna does tags like you!"
Carlo: "But I could show 'em my knee. They'd see it's fuh shit."
Rocco: "Dat's not how it works and you know it."
Carlo: "Aay, dare's one, ova dare. Hurry, for some udda prick gets it!"

Rocco zooms over to the newly emptying spot. The car's reverse lights are on but they're not moving.

Rocco: "Fuck are dey doin?"
Carlo: "I dunno. You want me to go ask?"
Rocco: "Now why would you do dat?"
Carlo: "To see if they're movin'?"
Rocco: "We'll wait..."

And without time to think the car thrusts back and right into Rocco's front end. Oh, madon!

Rocco: "What the fuck!!"
Carlo: "Jeezus, this no drivin' prick!"

The car pulls back into the space and the driver gets out to meet a very upset Rocco.

Driver: "What the fuck pal??"
Rocco: "Hey, Mr. Magoo, you drivin' wit ya eyes closed??"
Driver: "I'm tryin' ta back out and you're up my ass like anal porn, fuck's a matta wit you?"
Rocco: "ME?? I'm waitin' patiently here and you come blastin' outta dare like ya mudda's cunt's on fire!"
Driver: "Fuck you say tuh me??"

It's getting slightly more involved now. Carlo gets out and joins in.

Carlo: "Rocky, take it easy, this prick ain't worth it."
Driver: "Who's dis fat fuck? Ya mudda?"
Rocco: "Aay, fuck you cocksucka, I'll knock all three of those teeth out!"

Now a security guard is coming over. This ought to be good.

SG: "What's goin' on here?"
Rocco: "I'll tell ya what, this motherless fuck backed into me and is trying to say it's MY fault!!"
Driver: "Muthafucka didn't give me enough room to get out! Stupid bastid!"
Rocco: "Eat a bag of dying dicks ya loser!"
SG: "Now just hold on! This parking lot is a 'use at your own risk' area. The company isn't responsible 
for any damage to you or your property. So you're just gonna have to exchange details and let ya
insurance handle it."

Rocco stands there looking at the damage to his front end. Goddamn parkin' lots. Carlo walks over to
the man with his phone, getting his details. Rocco reaches into the glove box for his.

Carlo: "I got his info, now lemme give him yours."
Rocco: *holds the papers tight* "You saw dis whole thing, it was HIS fault!"
Carlo: "I know, but still, formalities."

Carlo takes the papers over to Mr. Backs Out Too Fast and in seconds, it's all over. Rocco then finds
a decent place to park and him and Carlo sit looking at the storefront as the sky begins to darken.

Rocco: "You still doin' this lasagna thing?"
Carlo: "We're here. May as well make the most of it."
Rocco: *sighs* "Fuckin' Tuesdays..."


They get out and walk into the store.

[somethingelseishere]

Well, I guess it was inevitable. One of those serious talks. Rocco to da rescue?

Rocco pays a visit to his dear friend [and second cousin, lol] Carlo. [From the News Stand! lol]
He knocks on the front door and waits... nothin'. He decides to go around back where he finds
Carlo sitting in a lawn lounger. 

Rocco: "Oooooh, there he is! The newspaper king!"

Carlo doesn't say anything. Rocco sits on the lounger next to him.

Rocco: "You enjoyin' dis cold weather?"
Carlo: *shrugs*
Rocco: "Won't be long til da fat man comes slidin' down da chimney, uuh?"
Carlo: *stares forward, not saying a word*
Rocco: "Aaay, what's a matta?"
Carlo: "I dunno... just... I dunno."
Roco: "Jeezus, dat bad?"
Carlo: *slowly shakes head*
Rocco: "Genie put you on anudda diet?"
Carlo: "Naw, nuthin' like dat."
Rocco: "Well what is it, cuz ya got me wantin' tuh slit my wrists ova heeuh!"
Carlo: "Sometimes, I don't think God gives a fuck about us..."
Rocco: "Ooooh, why you say dat?"
Carlo: "Look around, Rocky, shit's fucked up... everywhere."
Rocco: "Yeah, so?"
Carlo: "How we 'spose ta live our best life wit all dis bullshit goin' on?"
Rocco: "It's a little late fuh you ta be havin' wunna does mid-life things, no?"
Carlo: *wipes his eyes*
Rocco: "Aww Jeez..."

Carlo is feeling quite emotional. He drops a few tears before pulling it back togedda.

Carlo: "I dunno where dis is comin' from..."
Rocco: "How long you been feelin' like dis?"
Carlo: "Tree, four days..."
Rocco: "Anything in particular set you off?"
Carlo: "No... it just happens..."
Rocco: "As in dis ain't da first time?"
Carlo: "No..."
Rocco: *deep sigh* "You think you should talk to somebody?"
Carlo: "I'm talkin' ta you."
Rocco: "Naw I mean somebody dat can help you."
Carlo: "This does help!"
Rocco: "What, me comin' ova here eatin' all ya gabagool, drinkin' Genie's fancy wine and breakin' your balls?"

Carlo hitches up in his seat, wipes his eyes again.

Carlo: "I can't talk to no shrink, Rock... not fuh me."
Rocco: *sits staring into yard*
Carlo: "I had dat one aunt, Estelle. She had the blues a lot."
Rocco: "Sounds like depression..."
Carlo: "Somethin'... but they had her on a buncha pills. Fuck that."
Rocco: "Did they help her?"
Carlo: "I don't think they did. She seemed OK, but you could tell, empty inside."
Rocco: "Could dis be a side-effect of ya diabetes? Ya know, da insulin or somethin'?"
Carlo: "I don't think so... it's been around since before den..."
Rocco: "You should talk to someone. This sounds serious."
Carlo: "I can't do dat, already told ya."
Rocco: "Why not?"
Carlo: "It's just not me."
Rocco: "Well do I need to go hide all the silverware?"
Carlo: "Fuck you Rocco..."
Rocco: "Aaay, I'm serious, I don't want you to go and do anything stupid. Hurt yaself."
Carlo: "I'd never do dat to Genie. She's my life. It would destroy her."
Rocco: "Finally, ya talkin' sense."
Carlo: "But dis fuckin' blue feelin'... really squeezes my balls sometimes..."
Rocco: "I don't think He hates us, or leaves us out, ya know?"
Carlo: "What're you talkin' about?"
Rocco: "What you said, about God, not givin' a fuck about us."
Carlo: "Oh..."
Rocco: "I think if anything, His hands are tied, most of da time."
Carlo: "What do ya mean?"
Rocco: "Well, we do a lot of dumb shit down here. No? And I'm sure the Big Guy would like to step in
on more occasions but because there's so many of us cocksucka's walkin' around, he can't really act
on a few wit-out affectin' everybody. So we kinda tie his hands wit our bullshit."
Carlo: "I never knew you thought so much about the deeper meanings."
Rocco: "Aaay, you're da one wit da one-track-cunnilingus mind!"
Carlo: "I just wish there was somethin' I could do. Ya know, to get ridda dis."

Rocco thinks on his cousin's problem. What could he do to help??

Rocco: "I gottan idea."
Carlo: "What?"
Rocco: "You make an appointment to see somebody and I'll go wit ya."
Carlo: "I already told ya..."
Rocco: "Yeah, yeah, tough guy. But come on, I don't like seein' this way. It worries me."
Carlo: "I dunno Rock."
Rocco: "Well I do! Let's go inside and look up some options. Get you squared away."
Carlo: "You'll come with?"
Rocco: "Yeah. I will."
Carlo: "Into the building?"
Rocco: "Yeah! I mean, I ain't gonna go in there and sit in ya lap, but I'll be in the waitin' room when ya get done."
Carlo: "Eeeh, I guess it couldn't hurt."
Rocco: "Of course not! Come on! Let's find you a talkin' buddy!"
Carlo: "OK, let's go..."
Rocco: "Maybe you'll be lucky and get a hot lady shrink, like on dat one show?"
Carlo: "Leave it ta you."
Rocco: "And you can tell her ALL about your pussy obsession. Wantin' to soak in it all the friggin time!"
Carlo: "Cuz it's delicious!!"
Rocco: "Alright, alright! Jeezus. One step at a time."


The two head inside to find Carlo a good therapist. Dr. Melfi on line one?? lol

[somethingelseishere]

Wilford Salters sat in the driver's seat of a city bus all day everyday; except for Wednesdays.
So you can rest assured, every chance he got to walk, he'd take! His daily commute to work
was like meditation. Inhale, exhale. One foot in front of the other. Tune out all those surroundings
and sink deeper into that inner solitude. It helped that he employed the use of an ancient Sony
Walkman. Old tech was his favorite.

This particular day found him making that trek home at the three o'clock hour. Partly cloudy and
cool with a temp hitting somewhere near 60'F. It was the perfect weather for him. He wasn't exactly
an outdoorsman but those walking meditations were a pillar in his routine and kept him sane.

He opens the door to his downstairs corner apartment as a blackbird breaks into song on a tree
branch nearby. He would sit and feed the various birds in the courtyard when he had the time.
Seeds and other appropriate grains, never bread! Wilford had more class than that. 

Once inside he always promptly removed his shoes. Habit, I guess. His mother was one-quarter 
Japanese so the old customs weren't lost on him; but it was mostly for comfort. And to not track
in dirt or leaves. He spent enough time driving those littered streets of Philly everyday, he didn't
want any reminders of that at home.

A nice hot cup of nettle tea and a good half hour by the open window. He could watch the world go by
sitting there; enjoying the comforts of home while being anywhere else in his mind. Oftentimes he would
doze off before finishing the cup. It didn't matter. He could always have the rest after waking up. 

The day meandered as did his thoughts and before he knew it dark had settled into the once blue sky
now making it a deep dark shade of grey. Wheel Of Fortune would be on soon and he could prop his
feet up on that well-broken-in foot stool and watch puzzles come together one letter at a time.

It wasn't the most exciting life a person could want but it was the peace and quiet he treasured most
and so in his mind, he was living the dream. Here comes Pat & Vanna. Time to settle in and find that
cozy indention. Would this be the night where the first spin landed on Bankrupt? 


Anything was possible.

[somethingelseishere]

It's just notta Sunday wit-out a good ol' fashioned BBQ! Rocco, Carlo and Anthony. Strap in!

Rocco walks into Carlo's backyard to find him scraping the grates of his gas grill. 
Is dis guy serious? Propane? Th'fuck are you, Hank Hill? Fuhgeddabouttit!!

Rocco: "Ooooooh, there he is! The prince of propane!"
Carlo: *looks up and smiles* "Aaay Rock."
Rocco: "Fuck you doin?"
Carlo: "Cleanin' da grill, for da BBQ."
Rocco: "Whoa, hold on Kid Ketchup, we ain't usin' dat thing!"
Carlo: "What d'ya mean? We're BBQ'n ain't we?"
Rocco: "Not wit dat! Not today!"
Carlo: "So how we gonna cook den?"
Rocco: "Watch and learn!"

Rocco walks back out front, he's gone a couple minutes. Upon returning he's got his hands, or rather
his arms FULL. A big bag of lumpwood charcoal and a starter chimney. He came prepared!

Carlo: "Fuck is all dat?"
Rocco: "Dis is how we're BBQ'n tuhday my friend!"

Carlo stops what he's doin' wit da gas grill and walks over to Rock.

Carlo: "You're not puttin' charcoal in my gas grill Rocky, come on!"
Rocco: "Where's dat old Weber you used to have? Charcoal grill. Da black one?"
Carlo: "I ain't used dat thing in forever! It's put back in the shed."
Rocco: "Well let's dig it out, cuz dis thing is goin' live!!"

They go into Carlo's storage shed [a mighty nice one at dat!] and move a few things around to see
dat trusty ol' Weber. It's covered in dust and lookin' very lonely.

Rocco: "There she is! Let's get her out!"

They maneuver the big black kettle out into the yard. Carlo lifts the lid and they both gasp.

Rocco: "Jeezus Christ, when's the last time you cleaned dis thing?"
Carlo: "Couple years ago?"
Rocco: "You're disgusting Carlo, ya know dat right?"
Carlo: "It's been in there the whole time! Why should I clean a grill I'm not using?"
Rocco: "Dat's gonna take a little elbow grease..."
Carlo: "Well who's gonna get greasy wit their elbows?"

When at that exact moment, Anthony walks into the backyard. Perfect timing!!

Anthony: "Aay Uncle Rock, I got that thing you wanted!"

Anthony is carrying a small cooler. [Please don't be a severed head, PLEASE don't be a severed head! lol]
The two men look up at Anthony and smile.

Anthony: "What? What you lookin' at?"

Rocco grabs the cooler from his nephew and walks it over to the lawn chairs.

Carlo: "Go 'head kid, jump in!" *points to dirty grill*
Anthony: *looks at grill* "Why me?"
Carlo: "Perks uh bein' young!"

Anthony gets on it. Carlo and Rocco look into the cooler. What could it be?? [NOT a head, please God NO!]

Rocco: "You ready fuh dis?"
Carlo: "Fuh what?"
Rocco: *opens cooler*

Both stare down in amazement.

Carlo: "Wow, ain't seen those in years!"
Rocco: "Uunnh, uunnnh? Did Uncle Rocky come tru or what??"
Carlo: "I guess so. But I don't drink no more so, happy day fuh yous guys."

It was a six pack of tall boys. But not your ordinary sixer. No, this was a hard find! Friend of a friend
type deal. Old Paisan's. It was a brand of beer popular in the 70's but was now restricted to a very limited
distribution scale. Rocco knew a guy who owned a liquor store who knew a guy that could get his hands
on these babies. $20 but worth every penny! Cent'anni!!

Anthony has now finished cleaning the charcoal grill. He walks over to grab a beer.

Anthony: "Madon, dat thing was atrocious!"
Carlo: "Blame ya uncle kid."
Rocco: "Aaay! You will both thank me later when ya steaks taste like fuckin' Heaven!"
Rocco: *hands Anthony an Old Paisan* "You earned it!"
Anthony: "Tanks."
Rocco: "How was Dominic?"
Anthony: "OK, looked a little down."
Rocco: "Down? Like how?"
Anthony: "Oh, dat reminds me, here..." *reaches in pocket and hands Rocco his money back*
Rocco: "What's dis?"
Anthony: "Dom said ya money's no good wit him."
Rocco: *takes the crisp, folded up Franklin, sniffles* "Dat's a sweet ol' man right dare!"
Carlo: "Jeez, Rock, you cryin?"
Rocco: "Hey! Don't judge me for feeling gratitude! People do nice things, it touches me."
Anthony: "Said it was da least he could do, since the store was closin."
Rocco: "Who's doin what??"
Anthony: "Closin. The liquor store. He's gettin' evicted. New owners of the building or somethin'."
Rocco: "Well we'll just see about dat!!" *wipes eyes and looks angry*
Carlo: "We gettin' deez steaks on or what?"
Rocco: "Prepare yourselves for bovine bliss, cocksuckas!"

Carlo goes in for the meat as Rocco gets the chimney starter going. Anthony pulls up a white plastic
lawn chair and it's Sunday afternoon in New Fuckin' Jersey. Oooooooh!!!

; )