Actual Thoughts I've Had, Verbatim...

[Guest]

I sure think about mo a lot she really did a number on me

[ELFUNGUSMAXIMUS]

If we call oranges "oranges" then shouldn't we call lemons "yellows" ?

Nah cos bananas and yellow capsicums and chili's it would confuse stupid people.
They would be chopping up Bananas and lemons and putting them in stir fry and people would be spitting it out.

[somethingelseishere]

Me: *sitting here eating too many peanut M&M's*

*Hot, nerdy office chick w/clipboard [in my head] approaches me*

Chick: "Uh, sir? You need to STOP!"
Me: *Grumpy Cat face*

: (

[Guest]

Mo i really loved massaging you over the weekend so soft baby .

[Mister Obvious]

Oooookaaaaayyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Mister Obvious]

"I'm a REALLY nice person, okay."

[Marmel]

“You are an illusion. Ask yourself what is it that makes you feel this way.”

[Guest]

Its important you keep breathing and collecting your monthly UBI, someone important may need yer organs

[Marmel]

Time to get to work, innit

[ELFUNGANINONUMPSY]

Time to get to work, innit

Why is yo a bitch, bitch?

[Marmel]

Cuz I like to smash the yo-yo round and round you face like a motor but I don’t know how that works.

[ELFUNGUSMAXIMUS]

Cuz I like to smash the yo-yo round and round you face like a motor but I don’t know how that works.

Well we could always get together and, figure that out if you like?
Say when? But I refuse to attend the blue oyster bar.

So you gonna have to come up with something a lil more snappy captain crappy.

[Mister Obvious]

"Why are my pants wet?"

[ELFUNGUSMAXIMUS]

"Why are my pants wet?"

Urinary incontinence? Its quite common you know even at a young age.
Its ok you don't have to remember wearing diapers but everyone did.
Except maybe the cavemen they probably just pissed n shitted everywhere and thought it was normal.

[Mister Obvious]

[ELFUNGUSMAXIMUS]

Um yes Chloe lol everyone has moments of doubt and pain whether they have a penis with a prostate gland or a Vagina with a Urethra.
All people can have it from time to time from birth to death.

[Guest]

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EgjTUJTXkAEFYqC?format=jpg&name=small

[somethingelseishere]

"They say pigs are smart. So would that make them cunning-hams?"

[ELFUNGUSMAXIMUS]

When you get a job you get a Salary.
So what back in the day did they used to pay people in Celery?
I like Celery but im afraid im going to need other ingredients.

[ELFUNGUSMAXIMUS]

How can you crash a website if you're not driving it?
It doesn't even have a steering wheel or handlebars.