Actual Thoughts I've Had, Verbatim...

[somethingelseishere]

"Dude, I feel like I've been put through an industrial-sized wood-chipper
but instead of metal blades it's old people's dentures...

Aaarrgghh, where all this damn corn come from? *sniffs air*
Maaaaaan it smells like Poligrip in this bitch!!"

[Opus]

I remember one time I was trying to make small-talk when waiting for a takeout. The counter chick was wearing a funny looking dress with the belt tucked up way high. She had a bit of a belly so I said "So how many months is it now?" She stared blankly back dead-pan not impressed not happy "I'm not pregnant." her eyes gazedly fixed on mine, her head bent ever so slightly forward. I saw her again outside from across the street because she had just finished her shift. I always remember her driving off in her car with her eyes locked on mine in disbelief. One of those memorable moments.

[somethingelseishere]

There are extenuating circumstances but for the most part
I think I'm on Team Rice > Potatoes.

Fries & chips change the equation.

[somethingelseishere]

"I know they're borrowed, but if this bitch-ass earbud/earphone thing falls
out ONE MORE GODDAMN TIME I swear to Hell below I'm smashing it ALL. TO. FUCK!"

Ya just can't get good help these days. : (

[Guest]

So what if i got raper face , deal with it and stop hurting my feelings

[Mister Obvious]

[danisantiagodiaz]

I don't get why people would have anything besides strawberry custard pie or tea sandwiches at birthdays

[somethingelseishere]

"Good Lord, there's a different cat licking itself in every room I go into!"

[Guest]

Rapists just want to inject their seed into a higher caste , social climbers yolo

[Mister Obvious]

It's a plausible theory.

[user328]

If I applied for a patent on a device to crush Nancy Pelosi's skull, would I get a midnight visit from the Secret Service?

[Guest]

If I applied for a patent on a device to crush Nancy Pelosi's skull, would I get a midnight visit from the Secret Service?

Peter Gabriel sledgehammer is my first actual verbatim thought

[Guest]

There are few things worse than being stuck in a hot stuffy room with sweaty old guys singing gospel hymns like ' lord release me, let me go' or 'power in the blood of the lamb'
Those are some of the horrors of my youth

[somethingelseishere]

"I totally want a rickshaw for my birthday." *snaps fingers*
"Make it happen!" *nobody else in the room*

ROFL, heh, classic me... ; )

[user328]

There are few things worse than being stuck in a hot stuffy room with sweaty old guys singing gospel hymns like ' lord release me, let me go'  or 'power in the blood of the lamb'
Those are some of the horrors of my youth

Try it while sitting on a pew between two old ladies who smell of musty powder and loud perfume.

[user328]

"I totally want a rickshaw for my birthday." *snaps fingers*

With or without the panel behind the driver's seat that keeps the passengers from seeing your butt bob up and down in their faces as you pedal?

[somethingelseishere]

Dude, I'm talkin the old-school kind. Man-powered.
Get me a gnarly little sherpa from like India, or Brooklyn.
Have 'em suit up in track gear and we're off to the fuckin races!! *raise the roof*

[somethingelseishere]

"When a family member asks you what you're watching and your brain somehow
forgets that mukbang and bukakke are NOT interchangeable terms..."

[Guest]

When those girls come to the door dressed as harleyquin askin for treats i gotta remember what my therapist said

[user328]

If any girls come to my door dressed as Harley Quinn, I'm gonna ask to see their ID, and if they're not 18 they're gonna get a bag of switches.