How are you supposed to tan your buttcrack??

[Guest]

Lol there aren't a lot of better terms for the female genitalia -- pussy is too sexual, vagina is too clinical and cunt just sounds nasty

"Quim," although it's used as an insult in Wales nowadays.

[Guest]

mo are you clickbait ? When we slap your tasty tanned ass will we get a sexy squeel or the grunt of lumberjack

Inquiring minds want to know.

[Guest]

The whole idea is that if someone sees you from far away, you shouldn’t LOOK naked.

It would be funnier if they should think you're naked from a distance, and are sorely disappointed when they get closer and find out you're not.

[Mister Obvious]

You are not supposed to.

I vehemently disagree.

Maybe YOU'RE not supposed to, Fung.

Maybe YOU'RE not supposed to.

No worries, MO. I got you:


https://i.imgur.com/Zw9Nzji.jpg

DDDAAAAAMMMNNNN.

[Mister Obvious]

It's like they were trying to be modest about tanning the buttcrack with that invention.

You CANNOT be modest about this.

You gotta hike 'em up and spread it all out...

Come on, sun. Me and you got a date.

[Guest]

hey man do you ever just dress like a little slut go out on the town ?

[Mister Obvious]

I don't go out on the town man.

I dress like a weirdo, not like a slut!

[Dark Dick]

Also, use the right pose.

https://thumbs.dreamstime.com/z/ashtanga...172090.jpg

https://worldpeaceyogaschool.com/blog/wp...lasana.jpg

[Mister Obvious]

https://worldpeaceyogaschool.com/blog/wp...lasana.jpg

Exactly...



I'm looking for some sunbeams on my hoohah...

It's less about the buttcrack to me now.

Much much less.

[Melanzhollika]

That’s called the “Found Tan” position.

However it is sometimes misconstrued as the “Fountain” position.

I shit you not.

[Mellanzhollika]

Found Tan to Fountain... You drop the d as in dacks and add an i as in identification and then when you connect it all together you have a fairly good explanation to confer to the police if they discover you. But they would probably determine that you would make a good prop for their police baton relay team’s handover practice. A good idea would be to dig a hole in the yard, coffin sized to fit something like that apparatus you saw advertised and build a fence around it. Then nobody would see, unless from a mountain or a drone. Almost like a lady of the well.

[Mister Obvious]

It took me over a year to come up with the brilliant solution.

It makes total sense.

Maybe I will explain at some point...

But at this point I feel it is best kept to myself.

[Mister Obvious]

I may post updates on this thread while I'm trying it out though.

[Mister Obvious]

It depends on if I can get an internet connection.

[Melanzhollika]

I’ve got it. You buy a jumping castle. Inflate it, yeah like that’s what you do, you inflate it, and then you install a massive stage curtain across those front! Huh? Come onnnn...that’s gotta be it.

[Mister Obvious]

LOL, you reminded me of my warehouse fantasy...

https://www.sectual.com/thread-3025-post...l#pid24808

[Melanzhollika]

And you reminded me of this! https://youtu.be/fso4yjbgceY

[Mister Obvious]

Lmaowtf!!!!!

[Mister Obvious]

Four years later, I now have the *perfect* nude tanning setup/location.

I *will* be able to tan completely nude, and I *will* be able to tan my buttcrack.

Dreams *do* come true, sometimes it just takes a while...

[user328]

Take two long pieces of clear packing tape. Stick one end of each piece of tape to one of your butt cheeks. Have a friend stick the other end of each piece of tape to a solid object. That should spread your cheeks far enough apart to let the golden rays of sunlight reach the inner recesses of your crack.

By the way, allow me to volunteer to be the friend who tapes your buns apart.