How are you supposed to tan your buttcrack??

[Mister Obvious]

It’s hard enough finding somewhere to tan naked, let alone to tan your buttcrack in the process.

I feel the need for a tan on my nether regions, this should happen soon... very soon.

[Mister Obvious]

Seems like the bigger your butt, the harder it would be to achieve a buttcrack tan.

You’d really have to lay in a position which provides adequate exposure for long enough to achieve a tan.

[Mister Obvious]

I’d really like to sunburn my hoohah.

Just a little bit, nothing extreme.

I would spread my nether tanning sessions out (no pun intended) over the course of a few weeks.

[Mister Obvious]

I think the armpits are another incredibly important place to tan...

These areas must be intentionally exposed.

[Mister Obvious]

Of course I’ve heard all the arguments against sun exposure, and I’ve seen all the examples of unfortunately permanently sun damaged skin... I get it, I know.

But really the only terrible part about that is tan lines.

If we could achieve a solid, full body tan (armpits and buttcrack included) then damage wouldn’t matter as much. It wouldn’t look as stark.

[Mister Obvious]

I do totally hate tan lines.

Oh it’s true...

The only way to tan is naked.

[Mister Obvious]

We need personal tanning protectors...

Barriers that block everybody from seeing us tanning our hoohahs.

They’d look kinda like inflatable pools, only they wouldn’t be inflatable.

They’d be collapsible for easy transportation and stowing.

They’d need sides high enough to block on the ground viewing, but obviously they wouldn’t be of much use in mountainous settings.

[Mister Obvious]

https://forsalebyinventor.com/products/p...ning-tent/

Not bad.

[Mister Obvious]

It needs higher sides though.

[Mister Obvious]

I also think that some sort of ‘tanning veil’ could be devised.

Technically you wouldn’t be naked.

[Mister Obvious]

Right? Like it’s sheer enough to allow for some level of tanning, but covers the body...

That way if anybody caught you tanning, you could argue that you weren’t naked.

[Mister Obvious]

I’d say a sheer bodysuit could work for this.

Like a long sleeved bodysuit... with feet.

Turtlenecked even. But super sheer.

Maybe this would even cut down on sun damage.

[Mister Obvious]

Full body hosiery.

But not skin toned...

We’re not trying to be indecent here.

[Mister Obvious]

It should come in all colors besides nude.

[Mister Obvious]

The whole idea is that if someone sees you from far away, you shouldn’t LOOK naked.

[Mister Obvious]

And I know what you’re thinking...

“Why not just go to a nude beach?”

Well...

I think the way in which I’d need to position my body in order to tan the hoohah would get me into some trouble even at a nude beach.

It could appear that I’m soliciting sex when I’m absolutely not.

I mean it could be a pretty dangerous situation.

[Guest]

You need to rig a buttcheek spreader. Maybe strap a buttcheek to either side of the chair with duct tape.


You'd obviously tan the buttcheeks first so there won't be a tan line where the tape is.

[Mister Obvious]

No I mean you’d just lay down and bring your knees up to your chest in order to tan most of the area.

I think anything left over could be tanned from any position.

The more ass you’re working with, the farther back you’d need to bring your knees.

[Mister Obvious]

Obviously one solution is to have enough land to tan nude on... you could make a nice barrier in the middle of your land and tan there regardless of how many acres you have. But again it really only works in flat land regions, not the mountains.

Then the only issue to privacy would be drones... some asshole flying a drone over your private property can’t bitch about seeing you naked.

You’d have to carve a big sign in the ground that says “Drones will be shot down” and then tan beside that. With a rifle.

[Guest]

That doesn't sound comfortable.


If your knees are already up to your chest, how can you bring them back any further? And what if you have huge tits? They would block your knees from coming back further.


You need a buttcheek spreading apparatus to take the work out of tanning that buttcrack.