Someone went on a car window breaking spree here last night.

[user113]

They hit my car and two others. Maybe more. I didn't look around the whole complex to find out. Driver's side window on all three vehicles. They stole $30 and a gold chain out of one neighbor's car. Nothing missing from mine. On the other car, they didn't even break the window all the way through. The cops said it looked like random vandalism. The guy with the $30 missing thinks they targeted him, then did the others to make it look random.

[Mister Obvious]

Dude where the fuck do you live?!?!?

Time to move.

Time to fucking move.

[user113]

They have cameras installed all over the place, but they never catch anybody. The parking lot is lit up brighter than fucking NYC too.

This is the second time I've been hit. They caught the perp last time. It was a kid across the way shooting a BB gun from his bedroom window. The window screen was peppered with tell-tale BB holes.

[Mister Obvious]

Ah well.

[Mister Obvious]

AKA “That’s nice hon.”

I’d be moving...

[user113]

I think my lease is up next month. I need to downsize anyway due to being laid off for 3 months. Put my shit in storage and hit the highway maybe.

[Mister Obvious]

I’ll pray for you bro. At least I just did. Hopefully I’ll remember to again in the future...

[user113]

Pray the cops find the perp before I do. I have a new (to me) .357 revolver that hasn't had its cherry popped yet.

[Mister Obvious]

Speaking of popping cherries, HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!!!

I hope you at least have a nice turkey TV dinner to enjoy...

I’d hand feed you some of my family dinner tonight if you were here.

[user113]

You already have me eating out of your hand, darling. Thanks though!

[Mister Obvious]

(((Onslaught of perverse and unreasonably sexually aggressive comments here)))

[user113]

(((Onslaught of perverse and unreasonably sexually aggressive comments here)))

Are you wearing yoga pants?

[user113]

The window smashers got another van in the back of the complex and tried to steal the stereo from my upstairs neighbor's unlocked car.

[Mister Obvious]

(((Onslaught of perverse and unreasonably sexually aggressive comments here)))

Are you wearing yoga pants?

Not yet.

I’m still in bed naked.

[user113]

Are you wearing yoga pants?

Not yet.

I’m still in bed naked.

Stay in that position until I get there. See you soon!

[Mister Obvious]

Okay thanks.

[user113]

Don't get up to any monkey business until then. I don't want it to be too soupy before I ply my bag o' tricks, Trix.

[Mister Obvious]

You don’t want me to get it warmed up for you bro?

I’ll even put a towel down so the bed doesn’t get wet.

[user113]

You mean it isn't already 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit?!? Hmmm. Maybe I should mix margaritas down there instead.

[Mister Obvious]

Your attempts to pretend as though you don’t want to mercilessly slam this sweaty piece of taint are futile.